To My Other Mother

Mother's Day is tomorrow, and like a good girl, I will visit Mom, Granny, and Grandma with hugs, kisses, and little gifts. As important as these women have been in my life (and I could write books on them), there are still other women who have been models of womanhood and motherhood to me. These women include Ms. Mary Jane, Ms. St. John (truly a mother figure for me), and, of course, Great Grandma Lenz, whose hardworking, caring, and compassionate spirits embody what it really means to be a woman and a mother. But there is still one person that I have yet to name, one to whom I owe my own womanhood.

To Keke,

What was I before you? I had so little sense of my femininity-- I was like a walking androgynous cranium in my frizzy ponytail and continuous tennis shoes! Do you remember when you first put eyeliner on me last summer? I couldn't even do it myself.
You picked out my hot pants (so comfy and effective!),
And those sparkley black shoes (you were right when you said I'd wear them all the time),
And you brought me to the discounted designer jeans (now my favorites),
And you inspired me to wear skirts,
And trained me to love accessories,
And not to fear heels!

Now I love shopping, and steam rooms, and shoes!
I'll probably always be a little cheap and maybe a little too cautious, but you helped me to love my body and enjoy presenting myself well.

While we're at it, let's look at some before and after pictures (see below).
First, pre-Keke me:
old jeans
huge (still loved and important) sweatshirt
no make-up
curly, casual ponytail
and, of course, tennis shoes

now let's examine me the night I met (and "caught") Raul.
Hmm...
full face of make-up (not a ton, of course, but including eyeliner!)
nice big earrings (accessories! I always hear you say in my mind!)
black, airy, sparkley top that you picked out
black skirt (!)
black, sparkley shoes that you picked out
sexy, soft, sleek, shiny, straightened hair (all you, again, and how can I ever thank you enough)!...

but that's not all Keeks--
I'm also wearing a look of confidence,
a confidence in my feminity that I did not have before you helped me to see all I could be,
a confidence that I am attractive, that I have grace and AM feminine,
that I am more than my SAT score, my gpa, and my brain.

Of course, the trend towards femininity that you've inspired in me is not only on the outside, and you haven't just been the venerable mother of my newfound sense of style. You've also been like a nurturing mom to me throughout true hardships (not just fashion emergencies!) during this difficult year. Only you and I really know all that we went through in these past months, and we have been there for each other, like moms, the whole way. It is you that I called first to tell the horrible news to, and you cried for me. It is you who saw what I saw the other night, the wonderful news in my life, and you cried for me again. You've shared my sadness and my joy, and you've always accepted me as I am. I've grown so much since we became friends, and I owe so much of it to you.

I don't know about you, but I feel like a woman now.

And I don't know if the point I'm about to make will make any sense to anyone but you and me, but it's honestly how I feel:
I used to fear motherhood. I felt like I was too critical, too wrapped-up mentally to give my heart to a child the way I knew I should. But, our experiences through the hard times this year have shown me how to care and to nurture and that I can do it-- that I do CARE, and that I AM nurturing. And now I have faith that one day I will be a caring, accepting, and loving mother to my children. And, despite whatever dreams or doubts that you may have, one day you will be a great mom too! I know, because you're already one to me.

Happy Mother's Day!!!
Love, Jess