Check this out, YA'LL!

Five percent YANKEE! There must be some sort of ritual purification I can undergo...

...although I do have to give props to my northern buds for ending that whole human atrocity called slavery...

On the real, ya'll, there ain't no hate here. I'm good.

Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English

25% Dixie

5% Yankee

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Greed and Fear

Today, the angry, irrational, anonymous someone
said that he thinks that the only two motivators for human behavior are
Greed
and
Fear.

Certainly, these inspire most of the grime of human behavior, such as
bigotry,
oppression,
crime,
WAR,
and of course
Anakin's turn to the Dark Side of the Force.

My stomach churns like a washing machine,
and I feel sick
when I imagine a world
where he is right.

I'm sure he's wrong-- but at the moment, I can't articulate why.
Can you?

What do you do?

How do you handle it when someone gets angry with you?
More specifically, what do you think I should do when an irrational, anonymous someone loses his temper, and I am ridiculed and called names...

at Cafe Du Monde! 

Dancin' in the street. 

Nick & ! 

At Commander's Palace! on my "birthday" 

Update

It's been over a week since the last time I wrote!

I'm afraid that entries for this summer will be scarce. I moved back home last week, and anyone that knows me can tell you that this involves a lot of stress. I've still been thinking a lot as always, but most of what has been on my mind is not appropriate to be published on the internet.

Besides my family life, current stress, and financial worries, I am a very lucky person. I have many good opportunities and GREAT friends!

Last night was a fabulous night. Nick is in town! He took me out to eat (at none other than Commander's Palace!) and spoiled the hell out of me. And at the restaurant, he tried salmon, turtle soup, and bread pudding! Amazing!

I danced in the street with Rafa, got powdered sugar all over my black dress at Cafe Du Monde, took a picture with Nick inside of Ronia, and went on a hunt for alcohol with Keeks and Bradson. I got to hang out with ALL of my closest friends-- except, of course, the one who lives 3000 miles away! It was awesome. Pictures to come.

Other than dealing with being at home, I have also been doing the usual work, and volunteering at the Hispanic Apostolate. My Spanish is really improving, and I am being humbled by all the mistakes that I make.

I'll be going to Costa Rica in less than a month! Updates on that are certain.

Like I said, I have so much that I'd like to talk about, but I know that I shouldn't. I'll try to update this regularly, but the future is so uncertain. It will certainly kick back up at the start of the school year. I hope this entry finds you well. Have a good summer.

Finally, a band I can believe in!

So, the other night, I stumbled across this silly video called Banana Man. Check it out! I was immediately attracted to the opening cha-cha-esque rhythm and the Beatle-esque harmony...

That's right... I said Beatle-esque and cha-cha-esque! What a wonderful world are we living in!
The band is called Tally Hall, and they describe themselves as a "wonky rock band." The rest of their music, though not as danceable, is pretty solid. I recommend "Good Day" and "Ruler of Everything." Check out their listed musical influences on that last page! The Beatles is Number One! I knew I heard it! I'm going to buy their CD.

Also, before their rise to semi-popularity, these guys were just five kids at the University of Michigan: three pre-med students, a film major, and an English major. That's right, they are also intelligent men (see my interests).

They're fresh, energetic, creative, and seem to be having a lot of fun! And they are so cute with those colorful ties. If they continue that fresh sound, they could get really big....
...at least with people like me, who enjoy crisp, clever, uplifting music. I had almost given up on popular rock!

The first Holocaust Memorial...

... finally opened in Germany today, after 60 years. I can't imagine what it must be like to struggle with the knowledge that your nation built the concentration camps, that they made incinerators to put people in...

Truly, the U.S. too has much to be ashamed off...
Can we wash this blood off of our hands and begin again?
Or are we like Macbeth,
having reached the top
only to wait for our new enemies
to take their vengeance...

I am ashamed, as a human being,
that war has ever happened,
and that we allow ourselves
to believe that we are better than others,
that we deserve what we have,
even if we acquire it by
dominating, enslaving, murdering
fellow members of humanity.

I believe that selfishness
has a very long half-life...
that cruelty will perpetuate itself
for generations and generations,
if someone doesn't stop and say

"I take responsibilty for what I do.
I will not hurt others,
even though I have been hurt.
And I will not hate,
even though I have been taught to hate."

Let's let that someone be us.

The song of the day
is Oh Very Young
by Cat Stevens

Oh, very young, what will you leave us this time?
You're only dancin' on this earth for a short while
And though your dreams may toss and turn you now
They will vanish away like your daddy's best jeans
Denim blue, faded up to the sky
And though you want them to last forever
You know they never will...you know they never will
And the patches make the goodbye harder still

Oh, very young, what will you leave us this time?
There'll never be a better chance to change your mind
And if you want this world to see a better day
Will you carry the words of love with you?
Will you ride the great white bird into heaven?
And though you want to last forever
You know you never will...you know you never will
And the goodbye makes the journey harder still
Will you carry the words of love with you?
Will you ride, oh, ooh

Oh, very young, what will you leave us this time?
You're only dancin' on this earth for a short while
Oh, very young, what will you leave us this time?

innocent 

To My Other Mother

Mother's Day is tomorrow, and like a good girl, I will visit Mom, Granny, and Grandma with hugs, kisses, and little gifts. As important as these women have been in my life (and I could write books on them), there are still other women who have been models of womanhood and motherhood to me. These women include Ms. Mary Jane, Ms. St. John (truly a mother figure for me), and, of course, Great Grandma Lenz, whose hardworking, caring, and compassionate spirits embody what it really means to be a woman and a mother. But there is still one person that I have yet to name, one to whom I owe my own womanhood.

To Keke,

What was I before you? I had so little sense of my femininity-- I was like a walking androgynous cranium in my frizzy ponytail and continuous tennis shoes! Do you remember when you first put eyeliner on me last summer? I couldn't even do it myself.
You picked out my hot pants (so comfy and effective!),
And those sparkley black shoes (you were right when you said I'd wear them all the time),
And you brought me to the discounted designer jeans (now my favorites),
And you inspired me to wear skirts,
And trained me to love accessories,
And not to fear heels!

Now I love shopping, and steam rooms, and shoes!
I'll probably always be a little cheap and maybe a little too cautious, but you helped me to love my body and enjoy presenting myself well.

While we're at it, let's look at some before and after pictures (see below).
First, pre-Keke me:
old jeans
huge (still loved and important) sweatshirt
no make-up
curly, casual ponytail
and, of course, tennis shoes

now let's examine me the night I met (and "caught") Raul.
Hmm...
full face of make-up (not a ton, of course, but including eyeliner!)
nice big earrings (accessories! I always hear you say in my mind!)
black, airy, sparkley top that you picked out
black skirt (!)
black, sparkley shoes that you picked out
sexy, soft, sleek, shiny, straightened hair (all you, again, and how can I ever thank you enough)!...

but that's not all Keeks--
I'm also wearing a look of confidence,
a confidence in my feminity that I did not have before you helped me to see all I could be,
a confidence that I am attractive, that I have grace and AM feminine,
that I am more than my SAT score, my gpa, and my brain.

Of course, the trend towards femininity that you've inspired in me is not only on the outside, and you haven't just been the venerable mother of my newfound sense of style. You've also been like a nurturing mom to me throughout true hardships (not just fashion emergencies!) during this difficult year. Only you and I really know all that we went through in these past months, and we have been there for each other, like moms, the whole way. It is you that I called first to tell the horrible news to, and you cried for me. It is you who saw what I saw the other night, the wonderful news in my life, and you cried for me again. You've shared my sadness and my joy, and you've always accepted me as I am. I've grown so much since we became friends, and I owe so much of it to you.

I don't know about you, but I feel like a woman now.

And I don't know if the point I'm about to make will make any sense to anyone but you and me, but it's honestly how I feel:
I used to fear motherhood. I felt like I was too critical, too wrapped-up mentally to give my heart to a child the way I knew I should. But, our experiences through the hard times this year have shown me how to care and to nurture and that I can do it-- that I do CARE, and that I AM nurturing. And now I have faith that one day I will be a caring, accepting, and loving mother to my children. And, despite whatever dreams or doubts that you may have, one day you will be a great mom too! I know, because you're already one to me.

Happy Mother's Day!!!
Love, Jess

What a difference a Keke makes! 

Pre-Keke! 

random philosophical moment...

(this morning, talking about summer jobs)

Me: Well, I'm sure something good will pop up...

Nick: I hope so.

(pause)

Me: Do you think that whatever happens is the right thing?

Nick (matter-of-factly): Oh God no. You just make it right.

Me (thoughtfully): Ok.

(pause)

Me: Well, I'll talk to you later.

Nick: Yes. Have a good day.

Me: Bye!

Nick: Bye.

Thank You!

I would like to thank all of those involved in my wonderful yesterday:
especially including, in no particular order...

Roy, for my First Hand Grenade! (it doesn't matter that they didn't let you pay...)
Brian, for my FIRST SHOT OF TEQUILA! I like it! (that's scary....)

the musicians who helped to make me cry at 1:30
especially
Sonia, my hot roommate who bought my birthday shirt!
and
Rafael, my loving Papi and chauffeur extraordinaire

Raul, for-- wow, where do I begin? Tu me chineas. You made me cry... You made KEKE cry! I am still overwhelmed by it all.

Keke, you don't have to be rich to be my girl! -- you were there for me the whole time, and you are the best girlfriend I could ever ask for! You made my birthday so awesome.
Nick, you didn't forget! I'm so moved by what a great friend you are. You couldn't be with me physically, but I still feel like you were... I even imagined you sitting in the car while I was drunk last night!

Guys, I am not ME without YOU!

Finally, thank you Paul McCartney & God (I admit, they are not the same being!), for wishing me Happy Birthday at the best possible moment. Last night, at 11:30, we got into the car, turned on the radio, and the Beatles' Happy Birthday Song came on, FIRST THING! HOW COOL IS THAT!

I feel loved, and all grown up(<-yeah, right)!