River Road Rant

So this morning I brought my friend to the airport, allowing her to leave me for a month. Afterwards, I drove down River Road-- the road that hugs the curves along the Mississippi and the valiant levees that protect us from her-- towards Baton Rouge, for an hour, for no reason whatsoever, thinking and listening to Rufus Wainwright.

I hate airports. They take important people out of my life, sometimes neglecting to return them to me for long periods of time.

I love airports. Of course because they bring me friends and loved ones from time to time, but also for another important reason.

For me, the airport is the embodiment of freedom, possibility, independence, and growth. My first flights to Chicago, Costa Rica, and New Hampshire all had very deep, significant, personal meaning attached to them. For each of these, I remember well the music I was listening to, the desires and concerns eating my thoughts, and the dizzy thrill I felt upon descent into the new area.

The exhilarating potential and power of that first sight of the big city skyline, the welcomingly lush and enveloping green of my first international arrival, the frightening uncertainty with which I regarded those stately, sharply pointed New England roofs that I had seen only in movies: these moments-- all spent completely by myself-- are crystallized and suspended in time forever in my mind.

I also associate my craziest impulses with the good old Louis Armstrong International. The New Orleans airport is less than a ten minute drive from my house, and from time to time I get the urge to just zip on over, catch a plane to anywhere (or somewhere specific, if there's a boy involved), and have myself an adventure.

But now I am reminded of a quote by my beloved Chris Rose:

She is a New Orleans girl and New Orleans girls never live anywhere else and even if they do, they always come back. That's just the way it is. To hell with no house, no car, no job, no prospects. This is where she belonged. End of discussion.-Chris Rose, The Times-Picayune

Am I this girl? Most of the time I feel like I am... it's one reason why I'm going to LSU.

But I don't know, and I don't want to apologize for that. I won't. I love it here, but the road ahead is uncertain for the area, and sometimes the airport calls me. And it's my life.

I know in these next few years I will learn a lot more about myself, my attitude towards the Louis Armstrong International Airport, and my feelings toward the area in general. And these feelings will decide the future relationship between myself and my dear Louis and Louisiana.

That is all.

File Clerk by day, Lovesick Girl by..... day

or...

Raul Goes to Europe

So here's the deal- May: Costa Rica was Rica, but not as Rica as if with Rafa. But I'm not going to lie, I was a happy girl and felt quite at home.

June to Now: I'm working at a nice law firm, which is a fine enough way to pass my remaining time before law school, I suppose. It's not glamorous though; I copy, print, file, rinse and repeat. But I prefer it to the previous two weeks, when I indexed boxes. And I am the receptionist in the morning, so I won't name the firm to avoid prank calls.

Saturday, Raul left Costa Rica for Belgium to be with the stupid Youth Orchestra of the Americas. It's this idiotic idea where talented young musicians tour together in a show of Western Hemisphere spirit. I hate those fools, going all over Europe for free, getting free drinks and ass kisses from rich people.

Don't get all offended, I just miss Raul. It's so weird, because by the time I finish writing this, it will be almost midnight for me. That's past time for me to go to bed... and the time when Raul get's up. So it's like the sun never sets on my aching heart.

This brings me to the word of the day: Cheezy

Keke and indulged in some nice cheeses this weekend. We liked the buttery one, and I realized that snobs and I have more in common than I thought. It was like two slices of cheese for 10 dollars, but I felt obligated to pitch in after I spilled beer all over my favorite girl. (Although, seriously, it was the table's fault).

I'm feeling pensive lately, and I have lots of time on my hands. So maybe more will be happening here. No promises, though.

Reflections from this mountain of wisdom.

I'm 22.

My dad and I went to LSU today to scope out apartments. I went on a tour of the law school and was very happy with everything that I saw. My trip to Costa Rica is coming up on Tuesday, so I'm really glad to have set my mind at ease today. Unfortunately, I'll have to get a menangitis vaccine, and I HATE SHOTS!

My birthday was pretty nice, rather quiet. Andrea, very very sweet ex-roommate, bought my lunch-- a nice juicy steak with blue cheese. I hung out with Ronia for almost the whole day.

Yesterday the family made me a nice pot roast dinner with mashed potatoes and peas the way I like 'em. There was also a great cake involved.

I know this is pretty boring stuff, but that's because I'm pretty short on dough right now and am hesitating to do anything fun that might make money disappear.

More later.

Notes from a 21-year-old

So, I've finally made my decision: LSU. For those of you who wanted me to go up north or stay in New Orleans, all I have to say is: thanks for your support, but I have to make my choices for myself. This was a really difficult decision, and I had to take into account all of the good advice as well as closely examine my own priorities. I think LSU will be awesome for me.

I graduated Saturday; that's the big news. It feels weird to think of myself as a college graduate, but that's what I am now. A big girl! And I'll be 22 tomorrow.

My final exams were pretty rough, mostly because of other problems occuring at the same time and a little bit of last minute sickness. But I managed to feel better for graduation, and I moved out of the dorms on Sunday without any problems.

I really enjoyed my years at Loyola, although I think all my part time jobs really got in the way of my making the best of it sometimes. Such is life.

Here's a pic of the big day. Hope all is well for everyone.

Oh very young, what will you leave us this time?

I wrote a letter to the editor! They weren't my ideas though-- I ripped 'em off. (I did ask permission first).

Things are going very well. It's looking like Chicago or Boston. Some good school where I get the honor of at least 70,000 of debt.

I'm excited at the chance to finally feel my true potential challenged. And then I'll come back and be a major force for the good in my NOLA. No te preocupes, I'm coming back.

More to write later.

Poor Nolas

So this is Blundell week on my blog I suppose, but here is a really cool something that he wrote about the plight of New Orleans. He imagined the "Nolas" as a family in a wealthy neighborhood called "Bush Gardens." Their home has been destroyed-- what's going on in the neighborhood?

I drew that myself. Beautiful, isn't it?
So, in Catholicism today, my teacher explained something so cool that I feel the need to explain it again. My professor is Boyd Blundell, and I am totally ripping off of him, with slight modulations. I don't know where he got his information, or if he made it up, but think it's brilliant. It certainly does a good job of communicating to me WHY my critical and sometimes very independent tendencies can be bad for me and for the people around me.

It's pretty simple in theory. You are the bulb, and you need the energy from the battery. Professor Blundell believes that battery is the Christian God, but I'm confused with religion right now, so let's keep it simple. To me, as long it's the source of energy greater than you, the model works. So, that could be the collective spirit of the universe (as Keke might say), the total energy of humankind, or whatever. (Of course, unless you have a perfect source of love, you can't have a perfect circuit. Maybe we don't need a perfect circuit, though.) Anyways, I believe in God, so let's call it God with only the most general monotheistic dogmatism attached.

So God is this source of love and grace. But how do you receive this grace? Sure you could have mushy feelings during prayer, but you definitely receive it through society and the people around you. So you have a room, food, education-- gifts from your family-- these are some of the ways that love is manifest in your life. Also friends and school and spouse and acquaintances-- they are all little wires through which and to which grace is transmitted. Theoretically, you receive that love/grace perfectly, and you give it generously in the same way. But that don't always happen, do it?

The most obvious "circuit-breaker" is when people are selfish or mean-spirited. Blundell used the tiny example of not acknowledging someone's presence when you walk by. You look away when you see someone coming (maybe because you hate their guts, but also maybe because you just don't feel like talking to anyone). So, you just look at the floor, ignore them and pretend you are too distracted. I do this sometimes, because I think I'm too busy to talk to people. But Blundell pointed out how hurtful this can be if someone does it to us. When you are that someone who just wants an affirmation or a hello, and a person ignores you, it can really put a dent in your day. And after that, you don't want to say hello to anyone else either. So that's just one little way that we can be selfish and hurt other people.

Mean-spiritedness can also be subtle. Blundell's example again: someone walks by wearing a fashion-disaster. After they leave you make this perfect "zinger" about exactly what was so horrible about the outfit, and you deliver it perfectly to your friends. It is so goddamn funny that everyone falls out of their chairs. Damn, you are witty. And the person wasn't there, so you weren't openly mean. But your friends know that the next time, it could be them being laughed at behind their backs. And you know that your friends might do it to you next time. And all of the sudden, being cool and accepted is a little more important. And this diminishes the trust between people.

But the really neat part of this, I thought, was how Blundell explained what usually causes mean-spiritedness or selfishness. We are most likely to think of it as pride: You won't take help (accept grace/love) because you can do it yourself! You don't need help!

And when you say you are too good for other people-- you are independent, you don't rely on others-- you diminish the amount of love that you are receiving. So when the time comes to be nice and love others, you don't feel loved yourself and don't have the energy. You are not nice because really, you can't be. If you have'nt been loved, you can't love. Just like if you haven't been spoken to, you don't know how to speak.

Although we tend to just see the pride, the truth is that underneath pride is usually fear. The fear that if you accept help, that you will be betrayed, or that it will come with strings attached. And if you are a person who has been betrayed, or if you are a person who has not been loved, you really have no reason to trust another. It really can be scary to be weak and vulnerable like that.

So people who have trouble receiving grace also have trouble giving it, so the problems spread. And on the reverse side, people who receive love and share it spread the good vibes-- very much like my dear Nick's pious Catholic-school script for assembly, where the kids lit lights that multiplied to brighten the room.

Essentially, the key is to surround yourself with people who are working to make the circuit. People that will care about you and try not to be mean-spirited or selfish. You in turn gotta open yourself up to not only giving love, but also to receiving it. That's a really important part for me, Miss I-can-do-it-myself, who had at one point became really afraid to take help. Because unless you allow yourself to continuously receive from others, you'll only have so much to give. In theory, you can find these people in church, but Blundell pointed out the obvious fact that not everyone at church is actually trying to live like this. I think it's important to develop this mindset among whoever you are with, to realize that you are not a one-man-band but part of a larger group that is, whether you like it or not, inextricably interconnected.

Good News and Some Babbling

Raul didn't mention it in his blog, but besides getting admitted to Boston Conservatory, he also got a more than two-thirds tuition scholarship!!! This is because he is the shit.

Also, Keke's boyfriend Jon is now officially an attorney!

I can't wait for this period of indecision to be over. I'm going crazy.

Right now I'm in Chicago at an interview weekend. I'm using a computer on the Chicago-Kent campus. The city is nice but very big, and it sucks that the buildings block the sun. Unfortunately, I don't have a camera, so I really don't have much to share here. I spent a great but lonely afternoon in the Art Institute of Chicago. I thought I had lost my cellphone, only to find that it had fallen somehow in a pocket I didn't know existed. But I bought one of those nifty audio guides, so I learned a lot.

After only like two days, I miss New Orleans. I want to go home.

St. Joseph's Day Resolutions

I didn't do any of that New Year stuff; I was too happy with Raul to think about anything I might want to work on in my life. Now I'm starting to swim in my own confusion, so I'll put these suckers in writing for you.

1) I'm going to organize my room and keep it averagely neat. I'm doing it.

2) I'm going to update this blog at least once a week. You can count on it.

3) I'm going to do what I think is best for myself and stop apologizing for it.

That's all folks.

Back to blogging!

Let me just introduce this post with a charming photo. This is me at New Years-- drunk!-- thanking the New Orleans Police for their valient efforts during the Hurricane. Aren't I charming!?! You don't need to mock me though, really, cause my friends have done a greaaaaaaaaat job of that.

God bless New Orleans. It's so good to be home.

Ok. Now to officially begin:

Hello all!

(by "all" I mean "any wanderer who happens to check this long out-dated blog)

I'm back in the good old Nola. Very quickly I will summarize my last month:

I left Franklin Pierce. I cried. I miss quite a few people there and am eternally grateful for all that the community gave me.

I returned to New Orleans. I spent two incredible weeks with Raul and got to see Nick and Keke again and just had a great time.

I began my last semester at Loyola. I never realized how much I missed it...

But now for the big part: I heard from my first law school!

Indiana at Bloomington is offering me the Chancellor's Fellowship!! It's a full tuition scholarship with an 8000 dollar stipend! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Anyways, I have this journal assignment for my New Orleans in Literature course, so I'll be posting some of my entries on this blog as well. And I'll keep you updated on the Law School Fun!

Take care.