Sunday Driver, Yeah

two haikus, two days before the bar.

2009-07-18T13:04:00.002-05:00

Take-off

little model planes
i once thought were wastes-of-time
taught me to fly-- fly!

Fruit Chop

love man cuts me up
bitesize cubes to snack on, and
that's how i study

Beginning Piano!

2009-06-21T19:51:00.002-05:00

Nick Gilder - Hot Child In The City

2009-04-17T17:35:00.001-05:00

love it.

Hello Seattle - Owl City

2009-03-26T18:29:00.001-05:00

West Side Story- updated!

2009-03-21T07:27:00.000-05:00

This sounds awesome! The Puerto Rican Characters sing in Spanish!

A Rumble on Broadway - The Daily Beast

There's Always Someone Cooler Than You

2009-03-20T15:52:00.001-05:00

it's true.

changing again!

2009-03-15T13:01:00.003-05:00

So from now on, this is going to be my personal blog. Subjects will be literary or self-expression. Audience is primarily close friends, me, and other random people.

My other blog will be one for me to use as a tool to engage in dialogue with others about the things I care about. It is under the links in my profile or "Links I Love."

Fourth Anniversary Festival

2009-02-26T21:07:00.000-06:00

Raul and I are celebrating the four year anniversary of the weekend that we met- starting the day before yesterday and through today- we call it the "festival." There was never a day when we officially started our relationship. However, when met in New Orleans while he was visiting after auditioning for grad schools, we instantly made a connection that we both knew was extremely special. It has been a very happy four years, and I've been going through old pictures enjoying everything we have shared all over again. I thought it would be nice to post some of the video project Raul made for me a couple of years ago for my birthday- if only just to have it online as a backup. It tells the story of our first couple of years together. I'm leaving off the first and last sections because they have just have tons of names and only a few pictures from the weekend we met (which, if you dig, you can find on a post in this blog from the past). Anyways, this video is the most touching- and fun- gift I've ever received. Hope you enjoy it!

To Raul- I love you so much and thank you for this and all other little (and big) ways you make my life awesome.

part 2-keeping in touch after the weekend we met (part 1 is skipped)

part 3- arriving in Costa Rica!

part 4 -Costa Rica!

part 5- the semester after hurricane Katrina- I went to school in New Hampshire

part 6- Raul's 1st Christmas in New Orleans!

part 7- sweet message + Raul's winter 2005 travels

part 8- our first Mardi Gras together! The end!

My thoughts exactly.

2009-02-18T10:04:00.000-06:00

Editorial: We'll miss you, Deuce - Editorials - Times-Picayune - NOLA.com

What I am, why, and how.

2009-02-01T11:02:00.009-06:00

I am
a mistake maker,
a chance taker,
afraid--
standing at the edge of this
precipice,
preparing to jump into
house, husband, and hopefully a 9-to-5.

I am not
a subscriber to the "no-regrets" approach.
No.
My little bag of things-I-wish-I'd-done-or-hadn't
lies bedside me.

Each morning,
I reach over and fish out
one well-worn regret to relive--
to remember
so many times that undeserved Grace
came to me with Love.

Recalling this, maybe
throughout the day
I will not take every chance to turn away,
hold back,
judge,
reject,
or recoil.

Instead, perhaps
Grace will grow in me,
and fertilized by regret recalled, it will sprout openness,
fearlessness,
understanding,
sweet sweet reconciliation,
and the willingness to dive in deep.

It's all beautiful, my friend.

2009-01-31T16:07:00.007-06:00

What a great song to help you to appreciate life
and to be happy for the happiness of others.

I am sincerely happy for you when you have success. I hope that you can see that in my eyes whenever we meet, should we meet in the future.

Lyrics and translation below.

Bonito, todo me parece bonito
—Beautiful, everything seems beautiful to me
Bonita mañana
—This morning is Beautiful
bonito lugar
—this place is beautiful
bonita la cama
—The bed is beautiful
qué bien se ve el mar
—The sea looks beautiful
bonito es el día
—Beautiful is the day
que acaba de empezar, bonita la vida
—that has just started, life is beautiful
respira, respira, respira
—breathe, breathe, breathe

El teléfono suena, mi pana se queja:
—The telephone rings, my buddy complains:
la cosa va mal, la vida le pesa
—everything’s going wrong, life’s weighing him down
que vivir así ya no le interesa
—that living like this no longer interests him
que seguir así no vale la pena
—that going on like this is not worth it
se perdió el amor, se acabó la fiesta
—love has been lost, the party has ended
ya no anda el motor que empuja la tierra
—the engine that moves the earth is no longer running
la vida es un chiste con triste final
—life is a joke with a sad ending
el futuro no existe, pero yo le digo...
—the future doesn’t exist, but I tell him...

Bonito, todo me parece bonito
—Beautiful, everything seems beautiful to me

Bonita la paz, bonita la vida
—Peace is beautiful, life is beautiful
bonito volver a nacer cada día
—It is beautiful to be able to be reborn everyday
bonita la verdad cuando no suena a mentira
—truth is beautiful when it doesn’t sound like lies
bonita la amistad, bonita la risa
—friendship is beautiful, laughter is beautiful
bonita la gente cuando hay calidad
—people are beautiful when they have worth
bonita la gente que no se arrepiente
—People who have no regrets are beautiful
que gana y que pierde, que habla y no miente
—who win and lose, who speak and don’t lie
bonita la gente por eso yo digo...
People are beautiful and that is why I say...

Bonito, todo me parece bonito
—Beautiful, everything seems beautiful to me

Qué bonito que te va cuando te va bonito,
—How beautiful it is when everything goes beautifully for you
qué bonito que te va
— It’s going so beautifully for you

Bonito, todo me parece bonito
—Beautiful, everything seems beautiful to me.
La mar, la mañana, la casa, la sombra,
—The sea, the morning, the house, the shade,
la tierra, la paz y la vida que pasa.
—the earth, peace and life as it goes by.
Bonito, todo me parece bonito.
—Beautiful, everything seems beautiful to me
Tu calma, tu salsa, la mancha en la
—Your tranquility, your salsa, the freckle on your
espalda, tu cara, tus ganas el fin de semana
—back, your face, your desires, the weekend

Bonita la gente que viene y que va
—Beautiful are the people who come and go
bonita la gente que no se detiene
—beautiful are the people who don’t hold back
bonita la gente que no tiene edad
—beautiful are the peolple that are ageless
que escucha, que entiende, que tiene y que da
—that listen, that understand, that have and that give

Bonito Portet*, bonito Peret*
—Beautiful Portet, beautiful Peret
bonita la rumba, bonito José*
—the rumba is beautiful, beautiful José
bonita la brisa que no tiene prisa
—the unhurried breeze is beautiful
bonito este día, respira, respira
—this day is beautiful, breathe, breathe
Bonita la gente cuando es de verdad
—Beautiful are the people that are honest
Bonita la gente que es diferente
—Beautiful are the people that are different
Que tiembla, que siente
—That tremble, that feel
Que vive el presente
—That live in the present
bonita la gente que estuvo y no está.
—Beautiful are the people that were and no longer are.

Bonito, todo me parece bonito.
—Beautiful, everything seems beautiful to me

Qué bonito que te va cuando te va bonito,
—How beautiful it is when everything goes beautifully for you
qué bonito que te va
—It’s going so beautifully for you
Qué bonito que se está cuando se está
—How beautiful it is when everything is
bonito, qué bonito que se está.
—beautiful, it is so beautiful

Bonito, todo me parece bonito
—Beautiful, everything seems beautiful to me

Today is not mine

2009-01-29T09:07:00.003-06:00

"Somedays aren't yours at all.
They come and go as if they're someone else's days.
They come and leave you behind someone else's face-
and its harsher than yours
and colder than yours.

They come in all quiet, sweep up,
and then they leave.
And you don't hear a single floor board creek.
They're so much stronger than the friends
you try to keep
by your side.

Downtown,
downtown.

I'm not here-
not anymore.

I've gone away; don't call me.
Don't write."

A good ego bruising...

2009-01-05T17:47:00.002-06:00

It's that time of year again- time to get law school grades. So far, I only have one posted. And it's not that good- basically a law school C. Not the kind of grade that means you'll be a bad lawyer, but not the kind of grade that rockets you to the top of your class, either. Normally I wouldn't really care, but...

I loved this class. Nerd that I am, I usually like going to school. But this was an especially interesting law school class that kept me awake and thinking despite it's 8:00 am timeslot! This was probably my favorite class in all of law school, and I showed it the respect it deserved.

I read all the material! I took notes! I thought about the material in my spare time, even! And I studied hard for the test.

And I got a mediocre grade.

Now I know my classes are full of bright people, the grades are curved, and anything can happen on exam day. But you just think that in life when you put effort into something, when you really work hard, your efforts are going to be rewarded. Instead of an "A", my efforts were rewarded with a big fat "eh."

Complicating things is the fact that my relationship with grades has not always been 100% healthy. One of the things I have really struggled with is my perfectionistic streak. For many years, I basically judge myself based on how well I performed, and it was pretty much never good enough for me. It's wrong and I know it, but that's how I thought about myself for most of my life.

These past two years, I have improved a lot in being happy with my results and being proud of myself for my effort. And I haven't even gotten into the real world of a full time job, where I can really help people and see that what I am doing is actually worth something.

I know now that a funny thing happens when you stop worrying about being perfect: you can work even harder and not concentrate on how your performance will affect your sense of self-worth.

That's what I did this semester, and it felt great. I worked my booty off and learned a ton. And now that I have my first grade of the semester, I'm afraid that my increasingly healthy attitude toward work might have taken some important nervous meticulousness away from my exam-writing and hurt my GPA. Maybe this is why so many confident, smart people don't have the best grades?

Or maybe I just got unlucky and had a bad day. Or maybe I don't mesh with how this (still awesome) professor grades. Or perhaps I --*gasp*-- just didn't get it as well as the other smarties in that class.

Who knows? I don't.

What kind of life lesson is this?!? LOL.

PS: holidays were great. My family and friends and fiance are all awesome and I'm very, very blessed.

Clearly the best thing ever.

2008-11-19T17:23:00.003-06:00

Maybe this is what God wants to do with people at church sometimes. Presumably God would be more skilled at it.

Exams Exams Exams Exams... til December 14th...

I've got love for you....

2008-11-08T10:15:00.003-06:00

if you were born in the 80's, the eeiightiees! I've got exams now too. Last law-school ruined holidays!

Peace and Love.

Feeling a little guilty...

2008-10-02T19:16:00.002-05:00

So I was scanning the radio stations today, and I stopped on the Christian one to hear the rest of Nichole Nordeman's "Seasons" song, which I have always loved. Immediately after the song ended, another started with the words "Britney I'm sorry." Turns out that Bebo Norman has written a song to Spears-- one of my favorite people to hate on. And listening to this song, I realized, it's our society that lifted her up and let her fall. I like this guy's cover of the song-- it doesn't have the annoying Britney footage of the other fan made video. Anyways, the song made me reflect on that judgmental and critical part in me, and on how desperately we need empathy and forgiveness. Hope you enjoy it too.

Take a little break to restore your faith in humanity.

2008-09-22T19:05:00.002-05:00

Fifty People, One Question: Restored from Benjamin Reece on Vimeo.

Giving a shout out to Ben and Sarah- and what I think is a great video!

Coming up: Three Years After Katrina- 8/29/08

2008-08-25T11:53:00.005-05:00

Three years after the storm, many obstacles to recovery and other problems still remain for the Gulf Coast. More than ever, while campaigns are going full blown, it's important that we keep what happened in memory. Here are five easy things you can do to commemorate 8/29/05.

1) Get Informed. There are several great websites you can visits to learn the facts about Katrina, what went wrong, and the recovery efforts. Two of my favorites is are Nola.com's page and America's Wetland.
Of course there's also google.

2) Write/call/email your congressmen. This is so easy and it actually does make a difference. You can either write your own letter about how you want better levees, funding for coastal restoration, a plan for Fema, etc. Or you go to websites like the Gulf Restoration Network for prewritten text. Also, dropping a line to McCain or Obama won't hurt!

Contact your house members.

Contact your senators (including Mac and Oby).

3) Talk to your friends about Katrina. Easy. You can even start a heated debate, but the point is that we don't want people to forget. Especially now that campaigns are in full swing!

4) Attend or host an event commemorating the third anniversary of Katrina.

Finally
5) Volunteer your time or donate your bucks to help spread awareness/ aid restoration efforts.

Check out
The Gulf Restoration Network

Levees.org This group is concerned with levees all over the nation- you'd be surprised how many are inadequate.

The New Orleans Musician Relief Fund

or

Make it Right This is the one with Brad Pitt.

just to name a few.

Thanks for standing with the Gulf Coast!!

Back to school

2008-08-20T16:57:00.002-05:00

So I'm back. Back from Costa Rica (with better Spanish). Back in Baton Rouge. Back to school. This is my last year of school, so I'm going to make the best of it. I'm. Going. To. Study.

Hard.

Short Update

2008-06-08T10:07:00.002-05:00

So I guess I'll get into a writing mood again soon, but for now I'm just blazing through life. I love my summer job at a small firm, which makes me so happy because I've been afraid I would dislike practicing law. I haven't been thrilled with law school, but this work is so invigorating and real that it's great.
Also I won second place and a nice chunk of change in the LA Bar Association Environmental Law Essay Contest. This is great news as well--- professionally speaking, I'm flying high.
Friends are doing great, whether they're getting married or just going to the gym with me. Which I'm doing, by the way. For like three weeks now.
Anyways, I'm super busy now, so enjoy the Beatles videos if you stumble across here.

The Beatles - I Am The Walrus

2008-06-08T09:54:00.001-05:00

goo goo ga joob.

Again!

2008-06-08T09:48:00.001-05:00

Your Mother Should Know.

Oh How I Love Them Beatles

2008-06-08T09:46:00.001-05:00

After all these years, too!

Wow-- movie adaptation

2008-04-29T20:12:00.001-05:00

So Even Cowgirls Get the Blues was a movie featuring Uma Thurman as Sissy. Uma!! Later to be Tarantino's heroine! NO coincidence.

Read With Me Now

2008-04-29T13:49:00.001-05:00

Next to be read and reviewed:

Light in August by William Faulkner.

Book Review: Even Cowgirls get the Blues

2008-04-29T12:17:00.005-05:00

This is my first book review. Please insult it if you think it's lacking. I'm starting out with a Tom Robbins book, almost three years since I read the book that was my book for months: Skinny Legs and All.

Before I review this book, let me just make a disclaimer. I read books like I read the Bible growing up in Lutheran school-- I assume that the author knows where he's going and that the words are purposeful. If there seems to be a problem, I tend to blame my small mind rather than the author. And in every scene I read a theme.

Another disclaimer: how much I enjoy books has very much to do with their aesthetic. The prose I like has a very precise amount of thickness- it's enjoyable and can be picked at for a while, but it doesn't give me an aneurysm. So if the writing is yummy, I will generally read more awesomeness into the book that is there in the first place.

Ok, so Even Cowgirls Get the Blues. Like I said before, I have only read two of Robbins' books: this one and Skinny Legs and All. And man, these are great plots just for their strangeness.

Although Cowgirls doesn't have the epic quality of Skinny Legs, you do get to visit stuffy New York apartments, secluded Native American cave people, a crazy "wise man," rowdy cowgirls of all sorts, a neurotic, self-absorbed psychiatrist named after the author, the Clockworks, and the backseats of many, many cars.

That's because the main character, Miss Sissy Hankshaw, has enormous, repulsive/beautiful thumbs that have made her stick out like-- I won't say it-- in her small southern tabaccoland town. Those gigantic thumbs of her prevent her from ever having the chance to just be in the background or fit in at all. But instead of despairing, she decides to worship them. And she follows her thumbs where they lead her-- hitchhiking across the nation before finally brushing with normalcy and confronting her nature. There are, of course, many other surprising confrontations, and Robbins' hallmark moments with animated otherwise-inanimate objects.

This book focuses on Sissy and her "preaxial digits." Although many themes flow from the story, the most striking one to me is oddness in society. Whether or not people are born strange or chose to be that way is often a matter of debate-- but it's not in Sissy case. Those thumbs of her ensure that she will have to make big decisions about how she will characterize herself and her relationship to the world. Being different without being apologetic about it comes at a big price, and I think this book is very much about the cost of being different.

Being different and being free are almost the same thing for the purposes of this book, and Robbin's demonstrates in a million ways how civilization interferes with these qualities. This idea is brought to life in the image of the giant whooping cranes, dwindling in numbers, that descend occasionally near the Rubber Rose Ranch that the cowgirls inhabit. No more plot spoilers here.

In the end, there's no satisfying "moral of the story" in Cowgirls. The author explicitly points out the flaws in the logic of all of the characters, so in the end you're not sure who to believe. With so many other themes to digest, and none clearly resolving in the end, there are more than a handful of approaches a reader could take in characterizing Sissy's experience. But to me, the nice thing is that the story is honest to life, in the sense that every choice Sissy makes-- to embrace the individuality-made-flesh that is her thumbs or to find the love and security that she craves-- is made at the expense of something else. And maybe there's a happy ending.

So, this book is fun, fast and smooth to read. It was written in '76 but it feels up-to-the-minute. It can get cheezy at moments and preachy at others, but the tone is tongue in cheek overall. In any case, Sissy is hard to forget. Worth the read.

Even Cowgirls Get the Blues receives
4 out of 5 cookies for yummy prose
3 out of 5 moons for symbolism
4 out of 5 owls for intellectual stimulation
5 out of 5 bras for women's themes
3 out of 5 bibles for teaching me lessons

over all: 3.5 out of 4 clover leaves.

Awesome, awesome, awesome

2008-04-29T08:22:00.000-05:00

Thank you, Google and You Tube.

Google and You Tube team up to bring presidential forum to N.O. - Breaking News from New Orleans - Times-Picayune - NOLA.com

I've discovered Imogen Heap.

2008-04-25T21:33:00.001-05:00

I think I'm gonna be obsessed now for a little while. Poor Raul, lol.

Imogen Heap - Just For Now (live at Studio 11 103.1FM)

2008-04-25T21:30:00.001-05:00

I'm pretty much blown away.

WALK IT OUT FOSSE!!

2008-04-20T09:37:00.001-05:00

This is my all-time favorite internet video!
Doesn't it just make you smile?

Let me just tell you

2008-04-06T16:13:00.003-05:00

how extremely content I am with life right now. It doesn't even matter that now is time for me to buckle down and study- I'm happy about it. I only wish my budget somehow included these.

Well, I'm going to go hit the books for the next three weeks. Realistically, I'll be back here to procrastinate and share my review of Even Cowgirls Get the Blues by Tom Robbins (and then promptly return it Joanna after like a year). But while I'm away studying, enjoy the music that I'm listening to now.

A little love for the law

2008-04-03T13:05:00.002-05:00

So I have recently had a couple of experiences that make feel optimistic about my future.

1) The other day a friend called with a legal problem. In the end, there were no concrete steps I could take, but just being able to research and possibly help someone with a problem was absolutely invigorating. I think I'm just getting weary of the academic grind and the theoretical stuff that I memorize for the exams. Maybe I just need the sense of purpose that only a problem to be solved can bring.

2) I attended Family Court yesterday, as a part of the Family Law class requirement. I watched the judge deal with ex-couples looking to set child support. It was great because I got to see her apply the law in a human way. She went by the book, but also made a clear effort to show both parties that their concerns mattered. For example, although support could have been set (legally speaking) without the father's presence in one case, she told the attorney for the state that if at all possible, he should get the father in court instead of just sending him a piece of paper in the end. In another example, she told a couple that the situation "was no longer about them" and was about the child. She considered the other factors in peoples' lives but was firm. She was truly a force for good. I was impressed.

Yay! Now, back to the books. Ha.

In the meantime, I'm pretty excited about Raul's recital in the Ridge this Saturday. And about finishing off the second year of law school.

Pick an Analogy

2008-03-30T21:21:00.003-05:00

law school is to middle school
as

ultimate fighting is to professional wrestling
body builders are to spinners
tiramisu is to chocolate pudding
major depression is to dysthimia

Yoshilicious

2008-03-26T11:58:00.000-05:00

Me, these days

2008-03-25T12:08:00.003-05:00

I want to write so badly, but I'm busy. I'm desperately trying to write a paper for class/possible publication. I think I found a good job for the summer. I'm having a nephew! I'm engaged to be married!!!

But this week needs to end before you'll hear from me again.

Mineral Rights Rambling

2008-03-19T12:09:00.005-05:00

Royalty. Override. Read the lease. You're bound by the terms of the lease. But your honor... No, read the damn lease. This is not right-- But you're about to get your lease terminated. All you can do is turn to Humble for equity reasons. That's all you can do.

This is a lesson to all of us just to read the documents.

Or maybe a lesson to forget it and watch more documentaries.

Let's stay home and watch Planet Earth all day. Let's have an Earth Day or better yet return to undergrad when the Communists made you feel super-conservative.

Where you spent all night analyzing a character and enjoying it, but also feeling like it's just a fun game. Then you started thinking about professional schools like the law one, and how when you get out of those places you could do real things. But then you're in Mineral Rights, two years later, thinking it's all just a not-as-fun game that clever people play with money.

'Sblood.

Changed?

2008-03-18T12:26:00.002-05:00

Do I think I've changed in the past two years since I've written in this blog?
Maybe.
What I'm certain of is that I know myself much better now. I'm much more aware of my desires, strengths and shortcomings. I'm more averse to competition and sensitive than I thought I was. Law school doesn't fit neatly into who I am as a person, but I don't think anything would. I think where I am is as good a place as any for me to learn skills that will help me to be a productive member of society.
But the creative, expressive side of me is calling me back to this site. So here I am.

Clover Lover

2008-03-18T11:51:00.001-05:00

Over under, soft soft green,

Toes blanketed, head curled downward.

Blind earthen ancients burrow out of sight.

Above, fluff or clear or Zeus with bolts--

I don't know.

And around me, no one cares

for different reasons.

Ovular soft soft green, delicate white lines

form triangles

and occasionally delicious

curvaceous squares.

River Road Rant

2006-07-22T17:35:00.000-05:00

So this morning I brought my friend to the airport, allowing her to leave me for a month. Afterwards, I drove down River Road-- the road that hugs the curves along the Mississippi and the valiant levees that protect us from her-- towards Baton Rouge, for an hour, for no reason whatsoever, thinking and listening to Rufus Wainwright.

I hate airports. They take important people out of my life, sometimes neglecting to return them to me for long periods of time.

I love airports. Of course because they bring me friends and loved ones from time to time, but also for another important reason.

For me, the airport is the embodiment of freedom, possibility, independence, and growth. My first flights to Chicago, Costa Rica, and New Hampshire all had very deep, significant, personal meaning attached to them. For each of these, I remember well the music I was listening to, the desires and concerns eating my thoughts, and the dizzy thrill I felt upon descent into the new area.

The exhilarating potential and power of that first sight of the big city skyline, the welcomingly lush and enveloping green of my first international arrival, the frightening uncertainty with which I regarded those stately, sharply pointed New England roofs that I had seen only in movies: these moments-- all spent completely by myself-- are crystallized and suspended in time forever in my mind.

I also associate my craziest impulses with the good old Louis Armstrong International. The New Orleans airport is less than a ten minute drive from my house, and from time to time I get the urge to just zip on over, catch a plane to anywhere (or somewhere specific, if there's a boy involved), and have myself an adventure.

But now I am reminded of a quote by my beloved Chris Rose:

She is a New Orleans girl and New Orleans girls never live anywhere else and even if they do, they always come back. That's just the way it is. To hell with no house, no car, no job, no prospects. This is where she belonged. End of discussion.-Chris Rose, The Times-Picayune

Am I this girl? Most of the time I feel like I am... it's one reason why I'm going to LSU.

But I don't know, and I don't want to apologize for that. I won't. I love it here, but the road ahead is uncertain for the area, and sometimes the airport calls me. And it's my life.

I know in these next few years I will learn a lot more about myself, my attitude towards the Louis Armstrong International Airport, and my feelings toward the area in general. And these feelings will decide the future relationship between myself and my dear Louis and Louisiana.

That is all.

File Clerk by day, Lovesick Girl by..... day

2006-07-10T22:14:00.000-05:00

or...

Raul Goes to Europe

So here's the deal- May: Costa Rica was Rica, but not as Rica as if with Rafa. But I'm not going to lie, I was a happy girl and felt quite at home.

June to Now: I'm working at a nice law firm, which is a fine enough way to pass my remaining time before law school, I suppose. It's not glamorous though; I copy, print, file, rinse and repeat. But I prefer it to the previous two weeks, when I indexed boxes. And I am the receptionist in the morning, so I won't name the firm to avoid prank calls.

Saturday, Raul left Costa Rica for Belgium to be with the stupid Youth Orchestra of the Americas. It's this idiotic idea where talented young musicians tour together in a show of Western Hemisphere spirit. I hate those fools, going all over Europe for free, getting free drinks and ass kisses from rich people.

Don't get all offended, I just miss Raul. It's so weird, because by the time I finish writing this, it will be almost midnight for me. That's past time for me to go to bed... and the time when Raul get's up. So it's like the sun never sets on my aching heart.

This brings me to the word of the day: Cheezy

Keke and indulged in some nice cheeses this weekend. We liked the buttery one, and I realized that snobs and I have more in common than I thought. It was like two slices of cheese for 10 dollars, but I felt obligated to pitch in after I spilled beer all over my favorite girl. (Although, seriously, it was the table's fault).

I'm feeling pensive lately, and I have lots of time on my hands. So maybe more will be happening here. No promises, though.

Reflections from this mountain of wisdom.

2006-05-05T15:41:00.000-05:00

I'm 22.

My dad and I went to LSU today to scope out apartments. I went on a tour of the law school and was very happy with everything that I saw. My trip to Costa Rica is coming up on Tuesday, so I'm really glad to have set my mind at ease today. Unfortunately, I'll have to get a menangitis vaccine, and I HATE SHOTS!

My birthday was pretty nice, rather quiet. Andrea, very very sweet ex-roommate, bought my lunch-- a nice juicy steak with blue cheese. I hung out with Ronia for almost the whole day.

Yesterday the family made me a nice pot roast dinner with mashed potatoes and peas the way I like 'em. There was also a great cake involved.

I know this is pretty boring stuff, but that's because I'm pretty short on dough right now and am hesitating to do anything fun that might make money disappear.

More later.

Notes from a 21-year-old

2006-05-02T15:43:00.000-05:00

So, I've finally made my decision: LSU. For those of you who wanted me to go up north or stay in New Orleans, all I have to say is: thanks for your support, but I have to make my choices for myself. This was a really difficult decision, and I had to take into account all of the good advice as well as closely examine my own priorities. I think LSU will be awesome for me.

I graduated Saturday; that's the big news. It feels weird to think of myself as a college graduate, but that's what I am now. A big girl! And I'll be 22 tomorrow.

My final exams were pretty rough, mostly because of other problems occuring at the same time and a little bit of last minute sickness. But I managed to feel better for graduation, and I moved out of the dorms on Sunday without any problems.

I really enjoyed my years at Loyola, although I think all my part time jobs really got in the way of my making the best of it sometimes. Such is life.

Here's a pic of the big day. Hope all is well for everyone.

Oh very young, what will you leave us this time?

2006-04-15T11:58:00.000-05:00

I wrote a letter to the editor! They weren't my ideas though-- I ripped 'em off. (I did ask permission first).

Things are going very well. It's looking like Chicago or Boston. Some good school where I get the honor of at least 70,000 of debt.

I'm excited at the chance to finally feel my true potential challenged. And then I'll come back and be a major force for the good in my NOLA. No te preocupes, I'm coming back.

More to write later.

Poor Nolas

2006-04-02T13:42:00.000-05:00

So this is Blundell week on my blog I suppose, but here is a really cool something that he wrote about the plight of New Orleans. He imagined the "Nolas" as a family in a wealthy neighborhood called "Bush Gardens." Their home has been destroyed-- what's going on in the neighborhood?

2006-03-31T11:46:00.000-06:00

I drew that myself. Beautiful, isn't it?
So, in Catholicism today, my teacher explained something so cool that I feel the need to explain it again. My professor is Boyd Blundell, and I am totally ripping off of him, with slight modulations. I don't know where he got his information, or if he made it up, but think it's brilliant. It certainly does a good job of communicating to me WHY my critical and sometimes very independent tendencies can be bad for me and for the people around me.

It's pretty simple in theory. You are the bulb, and you need the energy from the battery. Professor Blundell believes that battery is the Christian God, but I'm confused with religion right now, so let's keep it simple. To me, as long it's the source of energy greater than you, the model works. So, that could be the collective spirit of the universe (as Keke might say), the total energy of humankind, or whatever. (Of course, unless you have a perfect source of love, you can't have a perfect circuit. Maybe we don't need a perfect circuit, though.) Anyways, I believe in God, so let's call it God with only the most general monotheistic dogmatism attached.

So God is this source of love and grace. But how do you receive this grace? Sure you could have mushy feelings during prayer, but you definitely receive it through society and the people around you. So you have a room, food, education-- gifts from your family-- these are some of the ways that love is manifest in your life. Also friends and school and spouse and acquaintances-- they are all little wires through which and to which grace is transmitted. Theoretically, you receive that love/grace perfectly, and you give it generously in the same way. But that don't always happen, do it?

The most obvious "circuit-breaker" is when people are selfish or mean-spirited. Blundell used the tiny example of not acknowledging someone's presence when you walk by. You look away when you see someone coming (maybe because you hate their guts, but also maybe because you just don't feel like talking to anyone). So, you just look at the floor, ignore them and pretend you are too distracted. I do this sometimes, because I think I'm too busy to talk to people. But Blundell pointed out how hurtful this can be if someone does it to us. When you are that someone who just wants an affirmation or a hello, and a person ignores you, it can really put a dent in your day. And after that, you don't want to say hello to anyone else either. So that's just one little way that we can be selfish and hurt other people.

Mean-spiritedness can also be subtle. Blundell's example again: someone walks by wearing a fashion-disaster. After they leave you make this perfect "zinger" about exactly what was so horrible about the outfit, and you deliver it perfectly to your friends. It is so goddamn funny that everyone falls out of their chairs. Damn, you are witty. And the person wasn't there, so you weren't openly mean. But your friends know that the next time, it could be them being laughed at behind their backs. And you know that your friends might do it to you next time. And all of the sudden, being cool and accepted is a little more important. And this diminishes the trust between people.

But the really neat part of this, I thought, was how Blundell explained what usually causes mean-spiritedness or selfishness. We are most likely to think of it as pride: You won't take help (accept grace/love) because you can do it yourself! You don't need help!

And when you say you are too good for other people-- you are independent, you don't rely on others-- you diminish the amount of love that you are receiving. So when the time comes to be nice and love others, you don't feel loved yourself and don't have the energy. You are not nice because really, you can't be. If you have'nt been loved, you can't love. Just like if you haven't been spoken to, you don't know how to speak.

Although we tend to just see the pride, the truth is that underneath pride is usually fear. The fear that if you accept help, that you will be betrayed, or that it will come with strings attached. And if you are a person who has been betrayed, or if you are a person who has not been loved, you really have no reason to trust another. It really can be scary to be weak and vulnerable like that.

So people who have trouble receiving grace also have trouble giving it, so the problems spread. And on the reverse side, people who receive love and share it spread the good vibes-- very much like my dear Nick's pious Catholic-school script for assembly, where the kids lit lights that multiplied to brighten the room.

Essentially, the key is to surround yourself with people who are working to make the circuit. People that will care about you and try not to be mean-spirited or selfish. You in turn gotta open yourself up to not only giving love, but also to receiving it. That's a really important part for me, Miss I-can-do-it-myself, who had at one point became really afraid to take help. Because unless you allow yourself to continuously receive from others, you'll only have so much to give. In theory, you can find these people in church, but Blundell pointed out the obvious fact that not everyone at church is actually trying to live like this. I think it's important to develop this mindset among whoever you are with, to realize that you are not a one-man-band but part of a larger group that is, whether you like it or not, inextricably interconnected.

Good News and Some Babbling

2006-03-26T16:29:00.000-06:00

Raul didn't mention it in his blog, but besides getting admitted to Boston Conservatory, he also got a more than two-thirds tuition scholarship!!! This is because he is the shit.

Also, Keke's boyfriend Jon is now officially an attorney!

I can't wait for this period of indecision to be over. I'm going crazy.

Right now I'm in Chicago at an interview weekend. I'm using a computer on the Chicago-Kent campus. The city is nice but very big, and it sucks that the buildings block the sun. Unfortunately, I don't have a camera, so I really don't have much to share here. I spent a great but lonely afternoon in the Art Institute of Chicago. I thought I had lost my cellphone, only to find that it had fallen somehow in a pocket I didn't know existed. But I bought one of those nifty audio guides, so I learned a lot.

After only like two days, I miss New Orleans. I want to go home.

St. Joseph's Day Resolutions

2006-03-19T17:08:00.000-06:00

I didn't do any of that New Year stuff; I was too happy with Raul to think about anything I might want to work on in my life. Now I'm starting to swim in my own confusion, so I'll put these suckers in writing for you.

1) I'm going to organize my room and keep it averagely neat. I'm doing it.

2) I'm going to update this blog at least once a week. You can count on it.

3) I'm going to do what I think is best for myself and stop apologizing for it.

That's all folks.

Back to blogging!

2006-01-23T16:04:00.000-06:00

Let me just introduce this post with a charming photo. This is me at New Years-- drunk!-- thanking the New Orleans Police for their valient efforts during the Hurricane. Aren't I charming!?! You don't need to mock me though, really, cause my friends have done a greaaaaaaaaat job of that.

God bless New Orleans. It's so good to be home.

Ok. Now to officially begin:

Hello all!

(by "all" I mean "any wanderer who happens to check this long out-dated blog)

I'm back in the good old Nola. Very quickly I will summarize my last month:

I left Franklin Pierce. I cried. I miss quite a few people there and am eternally grateful for all that the community gave me.

I returned to New Orleans. I spent two incredible weeks with Raul and got to see Nick and Keke again and just had a great time.

I began my last semester at Loyola. I never realized how much I missed it...

But now for the big part: I heard from my first law school!

Indiana at Bloomington is offering me the Chancellor's Fellowship!! It's a full tuition scholarship with an 8000 dollar stipend! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Anyways, I have this journal assignment for my New Orleans in Literature course, so I'll be posting some of my entries on this blog as well. And I'll keep you updated on the Law School Fun!

Take care.

Chris Rose: "We're having Mardi Gras and that's final!"

2005-12-17T13:09:00.000-06:00

I love Chris Rose, the Times-Picayune columnist. I always thought he was funny, and now he's my hero.

He has done so many great post-Katrina columns; he has even shared his personal depression concerning the storm. In a December 13th column, he forcefully argues for this year's Mardi Gras, and I wish everyone would read what he writes:

And here's a simple, not-so-eloquent reason why: If we don't have Mardi Gras, then the terrorists win. The last thing we need right now is to divide ourselves over our most cherished event.

The terrorists win! You have to admit that's funny... And he knows the truth-- Mardi Gras is more than the rest of the country might think it is.

If the national news wants to show people puking on Bourbon Street as a metaphor for some sort of displaced priorities in this town, so be it. The only puking I've seen at Mardi Gras in the past 10 years is little babies throwing up on their mothers' shoulders after a bottle.

To encapsulate the notion of Mardi Gras as nothing more than a big drunk is to take the simple and stupid way out, and I, for one, am getting tired of staying stuck on simple and stupid.

Mardi Gras is not a parade. Mardi Gras is not girls flashing on French Quarter balconies. Mardi Gras is not an alcoholic binge.

Well, what is it then, Chris?

Mardi Gras is the love of life. It is the harmonic convergence of our food, our music, our creativity, our eccentricity, our neighborhoods and our joy of living. All at once.

And it doesn't really matter if there are superparades or even any parades at all this year. Because some group of horn players will grab their instruments and they will march Down the Avenue because that's what they do, and I, for one, will follow.

If there are no parades, I'm hitching a boombox to a wagon, putting James Booker on the CD player and pulling my kids Down the Avenue and you're welcome to come along with me and where more than two tribes gather, there is a parade.

No Grinch can steal Mardi Gras!

We are the parade. We are Mardi Gras. We're Whoville, man -- you can take away the beads and the floats and all that crazy stuff, but we're still coming out into the street. Cops or no cops. Post-parade garbage pick-up or no garbage pick-up -- like anyone could tell the friggin' difference!

Let the whole damn country hear Al Johnson yelling "It's Carnival Time" and let them know we're not dead and if we are dying, we're going to pretend like we're not.

Fly the flag. Be in that number. This is our battle to win or lose. Hopefully, of one mind and one message. That we are still here. And that we are still New Orleans.

Amen.

Hey, I'm Costa Rica! Well, not really, I'm Madagascar...

2005-12-16T22:23:00.000-06:00

Ok, so it's a quiz to see what country you are.

The first time, I answered honestly. Turns out I'm Madagascar. Yeah, I'm strange.
The second time, I decided I wanted to be Costa Rica-- and I did it! That's right, I successfully faked being a nation!

Baby, you should be very, very proud of me.
(hrm... I wonder if you could do it one the first time...
BET YOU CAN'T!)

That's right folks, I'm Costa Rica...

You're Costa Rica!

You're about as peaceful as anyone on the planet, a real dyed-in-the-wool
pacifist. And why not? No one really poses much of a threat to you and
everything seems to work out, no matter how much violence and insanity rages all around you. So you relax and appreciate nature and culture while the rest of the world carries on their petty disagreements.

If only everyone could follow your example...

Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

Best Levees In The World

2005-12-16T13:44:00.000-06:00

Donald Powell, White House reconstruction man, said that the President is committed to building the "best levees known in the world" in New Orleans.

Let's hold him to his word.

New Orleans - Diversity = Orlando

2005-12-15T18:45:00.000-06:00

No offense to Mickey Mouse and his crew, but Slyvana Joseph is right in her editorial today.

New Orleans needs all kinds of people to be New Orleans. It's not a party without everybody. In case you're too lazy to click on the link, here's an excerpt from the T-P today:

We don't always get along, but we always get together. We are not separate and equal, we are intertwined and insane. We don't like anyone else's food, drink or music. We let you take your wine to go but make you sit to eat a doughnut. We are more than black and white, Hispanic and Asian, we are more than rich and poor, we are amazingly more than American.

We are New Orleanians.

1°F! :O

2005-12-14T18:56:00.000-06:00

OH MY GOODNESS!!!

Right Now for
Rindge, NH (03461)

Partly Cloudy 1°F
Feels Like
1°F

1°F

1°F!!!!! WHAT!!!

Updated Dec 14 07:45 p.m. ET

(thank you weather.com)
!!!

I might like classical music... ; )

2005-12-12T20:00:00.000-06:00

You're a Non-box.

What box do you get put in?
brought to you by Quizilla

The best article I've read about New Orleans

2005-12-11T12:37:00.000-06:00

This is how it is.

criminals

2005-12-07T19:19:00.000-06:00

Do you know what this is? Of course you do:

We the people
in order to form a more perfect union,
establish justice,
ensure domestic tranquility,
provide for the common defense,
promote the general welfare
and secure the blessings of liberty
to ourselves and our posterity,
do ordain and establish this constitution,
for the United States of America.

Beautiful words, they get me everytime.
-------------------------------------------------------

just a little angry at the federal government right now
you know who you are.

Why do we even have a government if not to protect us, to provide service in time of need?
Man, New Orleans, you got a really bad deal here.
This was not just an "act of God."
We got a really bad deal.

I wish I could make the rest of the country feel, just for a moment, the way I feel right now.
Imagine it was their town, dying in Intensive Care and on the Senate floor.
The way I feel for my poor city, and its poor people.
Abandoned.
Betrayed.

The situation in the Gulf Coast should go down in history as an enormous stain on our nation's reputation. Other nations should embarass the hell out of us for it-- it's so shameful.
What does it mean to be the "leader of the free world" if you can't take care of your own people?
(What does that mean anyways!?!?!)

I know I'm a little pissy and irrational right now.

Cut me some slack:
It's 16 degrees outside, but the news says it feels like 4.

Seriously though, I've grown up loving American idealism, but now I've really really realized:
This nation is not about responsibility, intelligence, freedom, hard work...

If the U.S. were about responsibility,
our coorporations wouldn't be ravaging the environment all over the globe.

If it were about intelligence,
we would care enough about education and the arts so that our public school systems wouldn't flounder.

If it were about freedom,
businesses wouldn't facilitate-- and government wouldn't turn a blind eye to-- that modern form of slavery which is illegal immigration.

If it were about hard work,
-- well maybe it is about hard work, but selfish work for your own interests, and not for something more noble--
we would be rebuilding a dying American city.

No, this country is just about money. That's why we kill the trees, ignore the schools, exploit the immigrants.

Do you think I'm wrong? Sit in my chair.
Better yet, in the waterlogged chair of someone
who lived a block from the 17th street canal,
which was only being checked once a year,
(with hundreds of miles of levees,
inspection done in time for lunch)
was structurally unsound,
(LSU professor said he
would have expected his
first year students
to see the problems)
was NOT overtopped,
but BROKE.

What would "American" ideals now mean to you, from that chair?

Hundreds of thousands of New Orleanians have homes of sludge and mold. There was a "natural disaster," but it didn't have to be nearly this bad-- ask Holland!
And it's unequivocally the government's fault.
And almost nothing is being done.

If you think I'm wrong, then prove me wrong.
I want to be wrong.

-------------------
I don't think it's ok to just say:

"Look at the rest of the world. Look what's wrong with them! We are the best!"

This is not about comparisons.

This is about us being honest with the fact that we are not living up to our so-called ideals.

I want to be convinced that being a U.S. citizen means more than being that ignorant playground bully who thinks he's the best because he's the chunkiest.

--------------------

Oh yeah, and I love
Happy Chrismahannakwanzakuh.

That's what stores should say, instead of Happy Holidays. It sounds more meaningful.

A little bit of homesickness

2005-11-19T09:46:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone,

This last month has been huge. (just like dear old dad would say)

I scored in the top 2% on my LSAT. That's a big deal. My future is all but sealed.

I saw Washington DC. For a conference. It was great.

Raul came. We had an amazing time together. We are an awesome team, and I'm crazier than ever for him.

He showed me Boston. Kudos to Jan, somewhere out there, for a great experience! Coming back to Rindge after that weekend was a little bit of a let down.

It's really cold now. I want to party, but I don't want to go outside. I miss my friends from home, and the nice mild New Orleans winter. People keep telling me I just have a month left, but it seems like a very loooooooooooong month.

The kids at FPC are cool, and I've made some good friends, but I just miss New Orleans so much right now. It would certainly be different if I had chosen to leave and had said goodbye to everyone formally. But I didn't. I didn't get to despedirse with my old life.

On Tuesday I will get to see what's left; I fly in for Thanksgiving.

I'm nervous.

Jessica

PS: Raul is spending the winter in Michigan, taking lessons from a fabulous violinist, Dylana Jensen. I'll leave you with a great picture of him at Halloween.

Yeah, so it's been a long time...

2005-10-08T12:41:00.000-05:00

This has been easily the hardest month of my life. There have been so many ups and downs, I barely know where to begin.

Just kidding, I do.

I climbed a mountain- a WHOLE mountain. Mount Monandnock. All by myself.
If you don't believe me, there are pictures. Just scroll a ways down and you'll see that I'm in quite a few of them, wearing a green shirt and white fleece.

Everybody asks me why I don't have that much of an accent. I tell them because New Orleans is not like the rest of the south. They don't believe me, I don't think. Oh well.

I guess I's just ignant. Glad thar's a KKK meetin night in the woods, so's I can cry to my feller klanswomen...

Speaking of sterotypes....

A lot of Yankee stereotypes aren't true. Here are two that are:

1) Their food is bland. Only occasionally are things seasoned. The Walmart only sold mild and medium salsa, NO hot.

2) Yankees, specially New Englanders, love apples. Ok, so maybe that wasn't a stereotype before, but it is now. They know all the names of different apples, they like to pick them. Our cafeteria always has bananas, oranges, and THREE different types of apples. I've seen people playing an apple card game here. I need to buy cheap plates for my room, and the cheapest ones I could find have ONLY apples painted on them. Not all kinds of fruits, just apples. Like, that's what I REALLY want, when I finish a big bowl of spaghetti-- to see great big apples painted on my plate. I've even had APPLE PIE SHOTS! Those things are unbelievably awesome, big thumbs up for them. Finally the phrase "American as Apple Pie" makes sense to me, although I prefer Nick's proposal: "American as Red Beans and Rice."

Let's discuss FPC/New Hampshire drinking laws next (with good old Loyola/New Orleans life examples beside them):

Kegs are prohibited on campus. (Kegs are provided through the student activities fees for senior barbecues ON THE RES QUAD at Loyola).

Beer and wine are the only alcohol that can be purchased at grocery stores. Hard booze can only be purchased during the very specific hours during which the STATE RUN liquor store is open.
(Hey, it's 2 in the morning, I feel like making margaritas. Let's run down to walmart and get a handle of Tequila!)

Drinking games are illegal. (Enough said.)

It's illegal to have open containers outside. (In New Orleans the bars give "go cups" so you won't take your glass outside and break it on the street.)

AND THE BEST FOR LAST....

YOU, if intoxicated, are considered an open container! If you've been drinking, it's ILLEGAL to go outside, just walk on the street with no booze in hand!!! (THIS RULE WOULD OUTLAW LIFE IN NEW ORLEANS! Mardi Gras day means over 1,000,000 New Hampshirian criminals reveling in open air!)

So yeah, there's been a little bit of culture shock, especially when a huge party busted out singing Neil Diamonds "Sweet Caroline" last week! WHERE AM I?

Seriously, I love all you FPC people, you rock my world. Specially down in those lakeviews, with your ardent yet illegal beer pong and kings.

Even though the parties supposedly have to end at 2, we have lots of fun running from the cute little campus safety and the omnipresent Rindge PD. Good times!

I'll update more now that the greatest part of the trauma seems to be over.

Just bear with me!

I'm famous!

2005-09-09T12:14:00.000-05:00

Rindge, NH (EDT!!!)-- HOW DID I GET HERE?

2005-09-08T16:08:00.000-05:00

I am in New Hampshire.

That's right, Katrina (bitch) swept me away from my cozy home in the Big Easy

to

Baton Rouge

then

El Paso, Texas

and NOW

Franklin Pierce College in Ruralruralruralruralrural
RINDGE, NEW HAMPSHIRE.

Why? Because my family doesn't have money to give me, and the folks here were very gracious and offered to not only help me with tuition, but also to give me housing, food, books, and winter clothes.

When I arrived in the Manchester airport, I was met by the Provost of the college, two newspaper reporters, and one TV camera. The TV people found me "amable," and followed us from the airport to the college, about a half hour drive. Turns out I got a minute long spot on the local news today. I also did two radio interviews...

I'm famous, probably the New Orleanian in New Hampshire.

It is beautiful here, and I am very very happy to be here, although sometimes I cry and miss my friends and my city.

Thank God I found one small bottle of hot sauce (Tabasco, woo woo!) in the cafeteria.

And, thank God that: I have a great schedule of classes, the kids are pretty intelligent and engaged, and the teachers are working with me, and the housing is good, and the people are sooo nice...

So much for all my stereotypes about Yankees... even as I write two people have come up to me, people from the cafeteria and from class, and asked me how I'm doing and made me feel good about everything.

Within a fifty mile radius of this beautiful campus, Thorton Wilder set Our Town, Thoreau wrote On Walden Pond (one of my favorite works EVER) and RW Emerson composed North of Boston and the very famous "Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I tooked the one less travelled by..."

Yes, I have certainly taken The Road Less Travelled-- we took several, actually, to get to this campus.

This is so different from what I'm used to... there are 1600 kids at this school, and 98% live on campus. The campus has a lake, and there are kayaks and canoes I can borrow like a book from the library. In the winter, the mountain will cover with snow and the lake will freeze, and people are already trying to convince me to ice skate, and to grab a tray from the cafeteria and sled down the mountain with them--hey, that's what they do for fun around here. I guess they do it because KEGS ARE ILLEGAL. WHAT! At Loyola, we SPONSER parties with kegs for seniors-- it comes out of student fees! But I've gotten the downlow-- the key is to bury the keg in the snow, so no one can see it...
WHERE AM I?!?!

I am in Ringe, New Hampshire, embarking on an adventure I would have never imagined for myself. Katrina blows my mind.

If you want to call me, you can try my cell phone... but it might not work because I'm in the middle of the woods and service isn't great. Or you can call 603 899 4100. My extension is 3848.

I refuse to change the posting time from Central to Eastern, just to let you know.

Mom is SAFE!

2005-09-02T21:52:00.000-05:00

They evacuated her from Charity Hospital and she'll be with us in a couple of days!

PRAYING FOR MY CITY- PLEASE READ!

2005-09-01T13:32:00.000-05:00

New Orleans is underwater. I can't even breathe when I look at the photos; my beautiful city is on fire, submerged, drowning. Over a million people had to leave their homes-- most of those people will have no homes to go back to in the end.

MY MOTHER, A NURSE, IS STILL TRAPPED IN CHARITY HOSPITAL. Patients are dying around her without their necessary machines, she hasn't bathed in days, is eating very little. Garbage is stinking, it's sweltering and dark, most of her nurses know their houses are under up to 10 feet of water. 10s of thousands of people need to be evacuated from the city in boats and buses. Meanwhile, she says the floodwaters are full of glass shards from broken windows, and stink of sewage and dead people.

Thousands and thousands of people are missing. 504 cell phone numbers are recieving busy signals, and families can not get in touch with one another. Finally I am hearing that my family is safe, although I know for a fact that my Grandma's house is totally underwater. I'm not sure about mine.

People are dying in the city! WATER FOOD CLOTHING is needed. We can't even think about saving the city for months, what's important now is to SAVE PEOPLE! If you have money to give to help rescue efforts/ emergency shelters, a house where refugees could stay please give! The American Red Cross, the Salvation Army, Catholic Charities are all in need of financial assistance. Please please please help!

For now, my little brother, father, grandma, dog, and myself are all safe with my uncle in El Paso, who has generously taken us in... so much for my senior year of college, we won't be able return for at least months... but I'm safe, so I'm lucky.

Hurricane Update

2005-08-31T09:12:00.000-05:00

EVERYONE!

This is Nick Lalla. I talked with Jessica over the phone last night. She is alive and well. They are planning on going to El Paso, Texas soon. Her mother, at last word, is working at Charity Hospital in the city. My Aunt Josie is at Memorial Baptist. Last we heard from them, they have not been evacuated even as waters continue to rise. Jessica was unable to get to a computer and she wanted me to post an update for her, letting everyone who cares about her know that she is okay.

I ask for everyone's thoughts and prayers. Donate to the American Red Cross. I am personally praying that my aunt and Jessica's mom make it out the city safely.

To all those friends from New Orleans: I pray that you and your families are safe.

Nick

Odd question...

2005-08-22T22:19:00.000-05:00

Asked by whom? Nick, of course.

So, on my facebook profile, Nick asked me who I would bathe with if I could bathe with anyone(from anytime period) and why. I know it's a weird question, but what can you expect from him? He gave his top seven choices, so I guess I'll give mine. So, I want to take a bath with these people, mostly just to see and talk to them. Some people who seem unbearably unattractive to me, however intriguing they are, will not make this list. I don't want to feel sick just looking at them, that would be highly disrespectful. And, I get to wear my bathing suit. If I want to...

In order of increasing priority:

7. Marc Antony- Not the cheesy singer, but Julius Caesar's second in command. I would like to hear all about Caesar's conquest and assassination, and about the steamy affair he had with Miss Cleopatra. I have a thing for powerful men.

6. Ferdinand de Magellan- So in every portrait I've seen, he's insanely ugly. But I like to imagine that he was not so bad looking when he was like 22. Seriously though, in his case, it doesn't matter to me. He was the first to CIRCUMNAVIGATE the globe. HE NAMED THE PACIFIC OCEAN. How many men can you say that about? "Oh, he named that ocean." He also didn't directly destroy any native tribes, to my knowledge.

5. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart- Because I have a thing for brilliant men. And musicians.

4.5 NOT Fredy Omar, unless he comes Con Su Banda. But I don't think the jacuzzi's big enough for everyone.

4. Thomas Jefferson- 3rd President of the US of A, drafter of the Declaration of Independence. I know he wasn't perfect-- he kind of ignored that part about "all men are created equal" and owned slaves, but Ben Franklin, my fav founding father, is too fat to bathe with. Jeffy did plant the first tomato in North America, though, and I'm obsessed with tomatoes.

3. Geoffrey Chaucer- Author of the very dirty and sly Canterbury Tales... Who knows what this guy looked like? Who cares? He put the ENGLISH language on the map. I owe my MAJOR to him! And he's hilarious-- naughty stories about clergy get me every time!

2. Mary, Mother of Jesus- I have some serious questions to ask her. Who was Jesus? What did his life really mean for us? And-- even more pressing--Is she really on that billboard on Canal St.?

1.5. NOT a 21-year-old Paul McCartney! Do you even KNOW me?

1. Raul Gomez Rojas- obviously.

Next on Springer: "My man is a male prostitute!"

2005-08-12T10:46:00.000-05:00

Jessica: Jerry, I've been lied to. He told me he was just a musician. He was always away for "gigs." He went on "tour." I trusted him Jerry. If he was having so much trouble finding money for school, he should have told me.

Jerry: So now you know he's been working as "an escort--" what do you want to say to him, Jessica?

Jessica: I'll tell him that he's a @&*%^ #&**%^ of *&%$##$! Bring that *&$^#@ piece of *@!# out so I can look him the eyes!

Jerry: Ladies and gentlemen, Raul thinks he's here because Jessica nominated him for "hottest man of the year." (boos from the crowd) Alright, Raul, come on out!

So, I checked out Raul's blog this morning. A lot of times when I have to read text, I go to this free translation website to get quick help for tough words. I know it's cheating, and believe me, if I depended on that website, I would pay a steep price for it. But today, the results were hilarious. So I thought my non-Spanish speaking readers might enjoy a little glimpse into Raul's life, thanks to the EVER-SO-ACCURATE website. See if you can understand what actually happened:

August 12th
Damned Nurse

I had to become a male prostitute TAC and the unhappy nurse hurt my right hand with the intravenous prostitute. So PROSTITUTE TAKES ME. I hope that it should lower soon the pain and the distension because I occupy to study violin. Unhappy tongue.....

Raul dice: Let's just keep this going. Whatever it is.

2005-08-10T00:14:00.000-05:00

Raul has a space on MSN now. You can see all of the pictures from my time Costa Rica on it. And if you know a little Spanish, you can read about his life, too. He's in the process of making some important decisions about his career and his future. Recently, I read some of Raul and I's older msn conversations, so I figure now is a good time to share a little bit about our relationship .

I met him on February 25th. I won't say that it was love at first sight, because that's a fuzzy, non-scientific concept, and I'm obsessed with rationality. But it's a fact that I totally lost my mind the moment I saw him and haven't recovered it since...

I knew him only a weekend in New Orleans, and I knew he was returning to Costa Rica. I felt insane for feeling the feelings I was feeling. But he was feeling them too, and it felt right. The picture above was taken on 2/28 at the airport, only a couple of days after we met, the morning he left New Orleans. I don't think we've gone two days without talking since.

Yes, I am in a long distance relationship-- and that's an understatement. Really, it's an International Affair. When it comes up in conversation, people often tell me that I'm crazy. And as I mentioned before, that's completely true. I am totally out of my mind. But at some point in the initial month after we met, I realized that I don't really have a choice. I tried to doubt, tried to question the logic of it, but I couldn't. Raul reassured me that he believed it was "worth it"-- on March 13th he said "let's just keep this going. whatever it is."

What we felt for each other, after spending only one weekend together and even 1500 miles apart, was so strong that I planned a two-week trip to Costa Rica for June. And those were the best two weeks of my life. I've had great moments before, but never so many in such a short time. Being together during his day-to-day life, we realized how extremely compatible we are. And I think it's amazing, because not only do we have some typical differences like those found in any couple (e.g., our parents are totally different, he loved calculus and I'm a reading nerd), but also we have different native languages, are from different countries, and were raised in different cultures. But we had suspected all this and thought about it much earlier, as this conversation from March 28th shows...

jlo says: I feel like I really, really understand you, even though I haven't known you for very long
Raul says: I think you do
jlo says: the way you think, although it's a little different from my way, makes so much sense
jlo says: and we seem to arrive at the same conclusions
jlo says: even though we've taken different paths
Raul says: We're both from the same planet
Raul says: I think that's it

And that's still the best explanation I can come up with. In short, I feel like it's a miracle that we met. In Raul, I've found a man who's intelligent, open-minded, honest, caring, confident, strong, ambitious, and dedicated to improvement (not to mention HOT). He's just finished his bachelor's in music performance at the University of Costa Rica, and right now he doesn't know where he'll be next month or next year. We plan to see each other again for Thanksgiving, and that seems like a quite while from now. But to answer all of my critics, that's not important to me. Right now what's important to me is growing and becoming the best person I can be. Raul helps me with that, and encourages me. And he makes me smile. So it's worth it to me. And I want to keep it going. Whatever it is.

I suck!

2005-08-09T14:11:00.000-05:00

Raul, a man after my own black, black heart:
A couple of posts ago, I said I was going to eat less meat

-- a lot less meat.

I had a plan. I failed.

Not only did I NOT eat less meat, but I felt cravings for meat like I have never felt before. I hit rock bottom yesterday at Cafe Freret, and ordered the "New Orleans Steak Bomb Sandwich." I was starving, and ate it greedily, at a table by myself without witnesses. That's right-- Steak BOMB--even the name sounds excessive and evil. I mean, what could I have been thinking when I ordered? I should remember-- I probably blocked it out of my mind like a memory of Auschwitz. Let's create a likely scenario:

Well-meaning Jessica to Self: Hrm... what should I order? Don't want to order meat-- it's a step backwards in the battle against world hunger... That veggie wrap looks nice.

Deviant Self to reasonable Jessica: I want COW.

Shocked and apalled Jessica to Self: Come on, Jessica, don't be so selfish.

Self to Jessica:* I'm not Jessica. I'm the devil. Now kindly undo these straps.

Nervous Jessica to "Self": Um, what?! Ok, be reasonable... the seafood poboy could be reaaaaaaaally good...

"Self" to Jessica: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! spins head 360 degrees, vomits split pea soup*

Jessica to "Self": Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

"Self" ranting:* You killed your mother! You left her alone to die! Bastard! in a high voice, face contorting Why you do this to me, Dimmy? enraged Keep away! The COW is MINE!

"Self"-posessed Jessica to waiter: Yes, I'll have the Steak Bomb sandwich
please. Thank you so much.

I feel sure that's how it happened. I know it's all a blur to me. Seriously though, I think I became overzealous in my quest to lead an environmentally-sustainable lifestyle. Maybe Keke will forgive me if I can't cut the meat out. Maybe I'll be more reasonable, and try to eat it
just once a day. I guess it's not such a big deal that I slipped. As you can see, Raul doesn't have a problem with it. :)

*References made to The Exorcism, of course.

Lovin' me some Old Love

2005-08-07T19:27:00.000-05:00

For those of you who don't know, I work weddings. I love it. Everyone is happy and hope-filled. The brides glow when they are called Mrs. So-and-so for the first time, and even if the new in-laws are a little cranky, the champagne usually smoothes out conflicts. Pretty soon everyone is in a circle singing "We are Fam-i-ly!"

Yet, I often find myself feeling a tinge of skepticism. Sometimes, (forgive me!), I look at my giddy new couple and wonder "Is yours the one out of two marriages in our country that's gonna end with custody fights, alimony battles and tears?" We are making big hoop-law (is that how you spell that? :)) over a fairy tale that has a good chance of coming to bitter, not quite so happy ending.

Today was a different celebration of marriage: a fiftieth anniversary party. This couple fell in love at first sight, and got married less than a month out of high school. A slide show played at the party revealed the details of their past: three kids, a modest, happy home, and many years of running an ice cream shop together.

Now, it's possible for a miserable pair to mope through the years into their seventies. I wouldn't admire anyone for just rotting away over time in a disgruntled, lethargic stupor. These two have truly shared their lives with one another. Every, and I mean every day, they exercise together. They jog, they bike, they play with their grandkids. They volunteered for many years with Kiwanis. They save money to travel with their friends.

Just from the looks of them, they are very warm, friendly, and happy together. A daughter related how they've always left love notes for each other around the coffee pot or on the car steering wheel in the morning. He calls her "sweet" and treats her like a queen; she drops whatever she's doing if he needs her help. Two very strong and healthy individuals, they went out of their way to show appreciation to ALL of their guests. They didn't seem to be particularly wealthy, but the generousity they showed to each other and to all of the people around them seemed truly genuine.

And when they danced together, I cried.

Tell me what you think, is this lame?: I saved an invitation to the party that I found lying on a table. I'll put in on my mirror. I want to remember them, because I want to be just like them.

Nick has a blog!!!!!

2005-08-04T21:54:00.000-05:00

Finally! This should be very interesting............

For those of you who don't know Nick, let me introduce him to you:

Here he is. As you can see, he is a quite a character. Complex, intelligent, some might even say "quirky"... but definitely friendly (despite that fact that he shot me the bird in that pic) and always insightful. And, in the bottom left, you can see his cool new hair. I bet he has some AXE too, and is too embarassed to tell me.

The pictures in the top right and bottom left hand corners give you an idea of adapting to winter weather in Chicago must have been like for the poor New Orleans boy. I wish I would have been there to see it!

Anyways, I think he's a very witty, clever writer-- and I'm not just saying that because he thinks and writes like me. Really. Because he doesn't-- he doesn't think or write like anyone....except himself. People say that "everyone is unique." Well, maybe that's true in some cute way, but trust me when I say that Nick is very unique. In a good way. Trust me. Don't let my cheesy dribble be a reflection on him--check out his blog!

On a more serious note, I could never be where I am today without him. He's like a brother to me.... actually, he's more like a father. He encourages me to be my best and has helped me through many bad times. Despite whatever harsh, cynical, morbid and/or sarcastic things Nick may (or may not) write in that monkey wildnerness of his, deep down inside, he's just a really sweet guy.

Wasting time... and energy...

2005-08-01T22:21:00.000-05:00

and water.... and food... and space... and other resources...

Check out the link ^

I took the quiz; here are my results...

YOUR TOTAL ECOLOGICAL FOOTPRINT
15 ACRES
IN COMPARISON, THE AVERAGE ECOLOGICAL FOOTPRINT IN YOUR COUNTRY IS 24 ACRES PER PERSON.

WORLDWIDE, THERE EXIST 4.5 BIOLOGICALLY PRODUCTIVE ACRES PER PERSON.
IF EVERYONE LIVED LIKE YOU, WE WOULD NEED 3.4 PLANETS.

OUCH.
I don't know how accurate this quiz is, but I know there's some truth behind it.
THIS is why I feel constantly guilty. What can I do?

I think I'm gonna eat less meat. Like, once every other day TOPS. I've been reading a lot about it for the last few years. The costs of meat production are ridiculous. It's a very wasteful process; with all the water and grain we use to raise livestock, we could be feeding hungry people. Plus it's not all that good for you.

Please don't take my word for it.

Now that's a HIGH LEVEL PROOF!

2005-07-30T22:19:00.000-05:00

Now for some outside-the-classroom,

real world education...
I learned something new last night with Rafa at the Blue Nile! I'll show my knowledge through this kick back to high school geometry... It's much easier with the helpful links and illustrations (fun with collages!):

Given: jo drinks a Long Island Iced Tea

Prove: jo(that's me!) + Long Island Iced Tea= Very Interesting jo (figure 1,1)

STATEMENT _____________________________REASON

jo drinks a Long Island Iced Tea. ___________Given

jo is a Skinny-Ass Chick._________________._Definition of jo*

Long Island Iced Teas make normal people____Def. of LongIslandIcedTea

extra friendly (figure 1.2).

jo is a lightweight. _______________________SAC postulate*

Conclusion

jo + Long Island Iced Tea= _____________Definition of Lightweight*

Very Interesting jo

*jo(figure 1.3): abv. for Jessica.. fun, friendly, overly-analytical skinny-ass white chick who drinks occasionally, has no respect for her face, and enjoys reading, thinking about how to improve the world, and latin dancing.
*SAC Postulate: If Skinny-Ass Chick drinks less than 3 three times weekly, then she is a lightweight.
*lightweight: person who gets very interesting from the same amount of alcohol that would simply make the normal person extra friendly. :)

Very Interesting Illustration

2005-07-30T22:10:00.000-05:00

Figure 1.1 Very Interesting
(as you can see, hand grenades are as effective as LIIT's)

It's been so long, but you haven't changed a bit!

2005-07-26T22:01:00.000-05:00

My favorite possession isn't really mine. I stole it. It's a plain white t-shirt that Raul was wearing the last night we were together. It smells like him! (... And probably a hundred million other guys because he wears AXE!)

Well, I didn't actually steal it. I accidently packed it, and I'm not sure how. But I'm sure glad that I did. True confession: I sleep with it every night-- it has replaced Cuddly the teddy bear.

Meanwhile, he's somewhere in Colombia smuggling dru-- I MEAN "playing in an orchestra."

Just to be clear on that last post, watching the sunset at Playa Brasilito WAS one of the happiest moments of my life... The wednesday when I posted that photo was not.

Life consists mostly of studying Spanish and for the LSAT now. Friendly people, save me from myself!

In other news, Rafa is back in town, so we'll be dancing friday, finally!

I plan to get my life in order again and come out of this depressive stupor of missing Raul and coping with my family. Long conversations with Nick are really helping. (Y)

Surprisingly, I don't have anything cheesy or ideological to say. Enjoy a picture of a real live Costa Rican monkey, and another of a really hot couple:

Not the happiest moment of my life...

2005-07-06T22:17:00.000-05:00

Today was quiet and sad for me. The power was out all day (thanks to tropical storm Cindy), and I didn't have my cell phone, so I didn't really talk to anyone. I'll just share a picture of Brasilito at sunset...
Sunrise will hopefully bring brighter times, and happy memories...

Buscando guayaba ando yo...

2005-07-05T22:01:00.000-05:00

This morning I had blueberries and peaches for breakfast. That was pretty awesome; I felt like I was in a magazine or something, they were so pretty!

And, as many things do these days, it reminded me of Costa Rica... they have so much fruit! And everywhere "frescos" are served, which are these fruit drinks. I would ask, "oh what are those flavors?" after they listed them, and sometimes I would get an answer ("Mora" is blackberry, for example). But, what's "cas"? Well, there's no English translation, but I'll try it. (I'd put anything in my mouth, right?) And it's a fruit. C-A-S. Haven't you heard of it? (I even googled it and couldn't find an image!) And there's a bunch of fruits like that.

I learned that "guayaba" is guava though, and I think I've heard of that before...

Anyways, they serve "frescos" throughout much of the continent, so this isn't some great revalation on my part... but man! Imagine how much healthier we would all be if we exchanged our cokes for those things...

Most of them were REALLY good-- even if I had NO FREAKING IDEA what I was drinking... And they were locally made... so much for not drinking the water! Oh well, I'm alive and healthy, more or less...

2005-07-04T21:13:00.000-05:00

June 16th, in the San Jose airport. I am so sleep-deprived in this pic that it's unbelievable. And I couldn't eat at all when we got to the restaurant. But I was so euphoric!

Kidnappings, Beatings and Green Cards

2005-06-05T11:28:00.000-05:00

Tolerance and acceptance of other backgrounds, perspectives has always come easy to me, I admit it. It's because my interaction with different cultures has been overwhelmingly positive. I'm sure it would be much harder for me if I had to grow up with foreign occupying forces with tanks and guns, or watch my homeland suffer or conform to the desires of another nation. If my family lost much of it's business to some international trade agreement, or if my religion and traditions were severely threatened by someone elses', or if I had to work and sweat for so little every hour making clothes for the most spoiled, affluent teenagers in HISTORY, who will just toss my work away after a few wears, I think I would be justified in not feeling too swell about the nation causing my grief. I UNDERSTAND bitterness towards other cultures, especially towards "American" or United States' culture.

I remember September 11th. I felt so empty in Civics when I watched the news. Then I went to Calculus,where my seat was next to Alla, an exchange student from Saudi Arabia. Curious (nosey, bothersome, relentless) me--I had already been talking to him about his country almost everyday. He had been explaining to me that the people there feel very threatened by all the "Americanization," and that the American troops have a very strong prescence there. On the day of September 11th, he looked so unhappy, so concerned. He was really quiet everyday, I was always the one who made him talk... it was easy for the rest of the class to forget his prescence. People in the room were so upset-- someone blurted "those people over there are so crazy! We should turn them all into glass." Alla didn't look up. He just stared at the floor.

September 11th was scarring, and I can understand that it damaged many Americans' perspectives of other countries..... but what was our perspective of other nations before? Most people in the US (myself included), are SO ignorant of the cultures and perspectives of other nations. Hell, we don't even really know about the culture of the person who lives next door to us. We don't suffer at the hands of foreign influences-- for the most part, we call the shots.

So WHY do many Americans have animosity towards other cultures? Why does our ignorance breed so much hate instead of bliss? Why can't we desire to see the success of nations not as prosperous as us? Why can't we see the good in other cultures different from ours?-- we are supposed to be so educated! Does our prosperity essentially depend on the psychological and economic subordination of other cultures and peoples? SERIOUSLY, does it?

If it does, someone tell me. I want to wash my hands of of it. For the moment, I want to believe that the US could still enjoy a nice level of wealth and prosperity without exploiting and denegrating everyone else on the face of the earth.

Like I said, I have been lucky in my few interactions with people of other cultures. I am not blind to differences, but the differences make things so interesting to me. My hometown, New Orleans itself is a port city where many cultures have met and mixed into a spicy jambalaya. Do differences cause misunderstandings, crime here? Of course. But we all love to party, and we all get drunk and stumble home in the same fashion-- one intoxicated foot in front of another.

This was the last post I was working on before I went to Costa Rica. It was inspired by a police officer who told me that I should watch out for kidnappings (I could be sold as a sex slave, he said) in Costa Rica, that I would probably be beaten bv Raul if "he goes with his culture" and that I should know that Raul is only interested in me for the possibility of a green card. A police officer! What a world.

All Play, All Day

2005-06-01T20:47:00.000-05:00

I don't think today was meant for work. Not for me, at least.

Now for some DETAILS, a la Raul...

I woke up at 8, drank some strong coffee sitting on the swing in the backyard garden. Contemplated the sound of the birds...
began "work," babysitting at 9...

At which point, I took a 6 and a 7-year-old to the Children's Museum.
First, we went to the pretend grocery store, and checked out items beginning with the letter "b." We got to use a cash register! They let me press the buttons!
Then I was the producer and they were reporters in an imaginary TV studio.
Then I, along with several other adults, was waited on in a fake cafe, and served an impressive plate of plastic food. I ordered a taco, orange juice, crawfish, and rice. My chefs, although not yet in third grade, prepared a gourmet meal speedily, although they forgot to bring silverware. It's ok, I ate with my hands.

Then, I was inside of a REAL bubble!
And we climbed a rock wall,
and looked at ourselves in one of those mirrors that makes you look fat!
Then we went home,
and played catch,
and then "Chutes and Ladders."

I also taught the kids the bumblebee song.
Do you know it?
I'M bringing home a baby bumblebee,
won't my mommy be so proud of meeee
I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee,
OUCH, HE STUNG ME!

I'm smashing up my baby bumblebee...
:)

Tutoring was cancelled, so after "work,"
I came home to a large, awesome margarita that Dad made me.
With him, I watched selected scenes from Napoleon Dynamite.
Then I googled for a while:
I did a search for "New Orleans, Costa Rica," because someone had said something to me about a cruise, which seems outrageous... but there are cruises that go all the way down to Panama, and then out to California!!
And I learned:
there's actually a restaurant in Costa Rica that serves Cajun food:
(ripped straight from http://www.costa-rica-travel-magazine.com)

Papagayo Seafood Restaurant is in downtown Coco, across from the Hotel Coco Verde. Their specialty is Cajun seafood, and their Cajun Platter includes gumbo, breaded catfish fingers, blackened Cajun fish, breaded shrimp Louisiana style and jambalaya. The downstairs open air restaurant seats fifty and the upstairs bar seats twenty. The bar has cable tv and is air-conditioned. Open from 12pm until 10pm every day. $$ 670-0298, 670-0326.

You can also go to Costa Rica and learn how to cook "Carribean/Creole" food from some Louisiana peeps. http://www.cerrocoyote.com/id11.html

The School emphasizes the Creole approach to food and cooking, which grew out of the Spanish and French colonial experience in the New World. Our New Orleans trained chef/instructors also operate the Nova Scotia Seafood Cooking School and have years of experience in Costa Rica fresh, healthful ingredients.

Then I read some awesome poetry by Wislawa Szymborksa. One of the only books of poems I consistently turn to for enjoyment (thanks Nick!).

Then I "worked" on a playlist of songs that I think are the most fun. I listened to Madonna's "Express Yourself" and Big and Rich's "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" probably a collective 25 times. And yes, I danced around my room like the fool that I am, fake singing into my favorite microphone (hairbrush).

Much gratitude to God and the Universe for this day of smiles, stimulation, and worry-free play.
I wish the same for everyone!

Not everything always has to be serious. Today, nothing was.

Check this out, YA'LL!

2005-05-30T20:25:00.000-05:00

Five percent YANKEE! There must be some sort of ritual purification I can undergo...

...although I do have to give props to my northern buds for ending that whole human atrocity called slavery...

On the real, ya'll, there ain't no hate here. I'm good.

Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English

25% Dixie

5% Yankee

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Greed and Fear

2005-05-30T17:55:00.000-05:00

Today, the angry, irrational, anonymous someone
said that he thinks that the only two motivators for human behavior are
Greed
and
Fear.

Certainly, these inspire most of the grime of human behavior, such as
bigotry,
oppression,
crime,
WAR,
and of course
Anakin's turn to the Dark Side of the Force.

My stomach churns like a washing machine,
and I feel sick
when I imagine a world
where he is right.

I'm sure he's wrong-- but at the moment, I can't articulate why.
Can you?

What do you do?

2005-05-27T18:47:00.000-05:00

How do you handle it when someone gets angry with you?
More specifically, what do you think I should do when an irrational, anonymous someone loses his temper, and I am ridiculed and called names...

2005-05-27T15:53:00.001-05:00

at Cafe Du Monde!

2005-05-27T15:53:00.000-05:00

Dancin' in the street.

2005-05-27T15:52:00.000-05:00

Nick & !

2005-05-27T15:50:00.000-05:00

At Commander's Palace! on my "birthday"

Update

2005-05-22T12:43:00.000-05:00

It's been over a week since the last time I wrote!

I'm afraid that entries for this summer will be scarce. I moved back home last week, and anyone that knows me can tell you that this involves a lot of stress. I've still been thinking a lot as always, but most of what has been on my mind is not appropriate to be published on the internet.

Besides my family life, current stress, and financial worries, I am a very lucky person. I have many good opportunities and GREAT friends!

Last night was a fabulous night. Nick is in town! He took me out to eat (at none other than Commander's Palace!) and spoiled the hell out of me. And at the restaurant, he tried salmon, turtle soup, and bread pudding! Amazing!

I danced in the street with Rafa, got powdered sugar all over my black dress at Cafe Du Monde, took a picture with Nick inside of Ronia, and went on a hunt for alcohol with Keeks and Bradson. I got to hang out with ALL of my closest friends-- except, of course, the one who lives 3000 miles away! It was awesome. Pictures to come.

Other than dealing with being at home, I have also been doing the usual work, and volunteering at the Hispanic Apostolate. My Spanish is really improving, and I am being humbled by all the mistakes that I make.

I'll be going to Costa Rica in less than a month! Updates on that are certain.

Like I said, I have so much that I'd like to talk about, but I know that I shouldn't. I'll try to update this regularly, but the future is so uncertain. It will certainly kick back up at the start of the school year. I hope this entry finds you well. Have a good summer.

Finally, a band I can believe in!

2005-05-13T18:06:00.000-05:00

So, the other night, I stumbled across this silly video called Banana Man. Check it out! I was immediately attracted to the opening cha-cha-esque rhythm and the Beatle-esque harmony...

That's right... I said Beatle-esque and cha-cha-esque! What a wonderful world are we living in!
The band is called Tally Hall, and they describe themselves as a "wonky rock band." The rest of their music, though not as danceable, is pretty solid. I recommend "Good Day" and "Ruler of Everything." Check out their listed musical influences on that last page! The Beatles is Number One! I knew I heard it! I'm going to buy their CD.

Also, before their rise to semi-popularity, these guys were just five kids at the University of Michigan: three pre-med students, a film major, and an English major. That's right, they are also intelligent men (see my interests).

They're fresh, energetic, creative, and seem to be having a lot of fun! And they are so cute with those colorful ties. If they continue that fresh sound, they could get really big....
...at least with people like me, who enjoy crisp, clever, uplifting music. I had almost given up on popular rock!

The first Holocaust Memorial...

2005-05-10T16:50:00.001-05:00

... finally opened in Germany today, after 60 years. I can't imagine what it must be like to struggle with the knowledge that your nation built the concentration camps, that they made incinerators to put people in...

Truly, the U.S. too has much to be ashamed off...
Can we wash this blood off of our hands and begin again?
Or are we like Macbeth,
having reached the top
only to wait for our new enemies
to take their vengeance...

I am ashamed, as a human being,
that war has ever happened,
and that we allow ourselves
to believe that we are better than others,
that we deserve what we have,
even if we acquire it by
dominating, enslaving, murdering
fellow members of humanity.

I believe that selfishness
has a very long half-life...
that cruelty will perpetuate itself
for generations and generations,
if someone doesn't stop and say

"I take responsibilty for what I do.
I will not hurt others,
even though I have been hurt.
And I will not hate,
even though I have been taught to hate."

Let's let that someone be us.

The song of the day
is Oh Very Young
by Cat Stevens

Oh, very young, what will you leave us this time?
You're only dancin' on this earth for a short while
And though your dreams may toss and turn you now
They will vanish away like your daddy's best jeans
Denim blue, faded up to the sky
And though you want them to last forever
You know they never will...you know they never will
And the patches make the goodbye harder still

Oh, very young, what will you leave us this time?
There'll never be a better chance to change your mind
And if you want this world to see a better day
Will you carry the words of love with you?
Will you ride the great white bird into heaven?
And though you want to last forever
You know you never will...you know you never will
And the goodbye makes the journey harder still
Will you carry the words of love with you?
Will you ride, oh, ooh

Oh, very young, what will you leave us this time?
You're only dancin' on this earth for a short while
Oh, very young, what will you leave us this time?

2005-05-10T16:50:00.000-05:00

innocent

To My Other Mother

2005-05-07T15:01:00.000-05:00

Mother's Day is tomorrow, and like a good girl, I will visit Mom, Granny, and Grandma with hugs, kisses, and little gifts. As important as these women have been in my life (and I could write books on them), there are still other women who have been models of womanhood and motherhood to me. These women include Ms. Mary Jane, Ms. St. John (truly a mother figure for me), and, of course, Great Grandma Lenz, whose hardworking, caring, and compassionate spirits embody what it really means to be a woman and a mother. But there is still one person that I have yet to name, one to whom I owe my own womanhood.

To Keke,

What was I before you? I had so little sense of my femininity-- I was like a walking androgynous cranium in my frizzy ponytail and continuous tennis shoes! Do you remember when you first put eyeliner on me last summer? I couldn't even do it myself.
You picked out my hot pants (so comfy and effective!),
And those sparkley black shoes (you were right when you said I'd wear them all the time),
And you brought me to the discounted designer jeans (now my favorites),
And you inspired me to wear skirts,
And trained me to love accessories,
And not to fear heels!

Now I love shopping, and steam rooms, and shoes!
I'll probably always be a little cheap and maybe a little too cautious, but you helped me to love my body and enjoy presenting myself well.

While we're at it, let's look at some before and after pictures (see below).
First, pre-Keke me:
old jeans
huge (still loved and important) sweatshirt
no make-up
curly, casual ponytail
and, of course, tennis shoes

now let's examine me the night I met (and "caught") Raul.
Hmm...
full face of make-up (not a ton, of course, but including eyeliner!)
nice big earrings (accessories! I always hear you say in my mind!)
black, airy, sparkley top that you picked out
black skirt (!)
black, sparkley shoes that you picked out
sexy, soft, sleek, shiny, straightened hair (all you, again, and how can I ever thank you enough)!...

but that's not all Keeks--
I'm also wearing a look of confidence,
a confidence in my feminity that I did not have before you helped me to see all I could be,
a confidence that I am attractive, that I have grace and AM feminine,
that I am more than my SAT score, my gpa, and my brain.

Of course, the trend towards femininity that you've inspired in me is not only on the outside, and you haven't just been the venerable mother of my newfound sense of style. You've also been like a nurturing mom to me throughout true hardships (not just fashion emergencies!) during this difficult year. Only you and I really know all that we went through in these past months, and we have been there for each other, like moms, the whole way. It is you that I called first to tell the horrible news to, and you cried for me. It is you who saw what I saw the other night, the wonderful news in my life, and you cried for me again. You've shared my sadness and my joy, and you've always accepted me as I am. I've grown so much since we became friends, and I owe so much of it to you.

I don't know about you, but I feel like a woman now.

And I don't know if the point I'm about to make will make any sense to anyone but you and me, but it's honestly how I feel:
I used to fear motherhood. I felt like I was too critical, too wrapped-up mentally to give my heart to a child the way I knew I should. But, our experiences through the hard times this year have shown me how to care and to nurture and that I can do it-- that I do CARE, and that I AM nurturing. And now I have faith that one day I will be a caring, accepting, and loving mother to my children. And, despite whatever dreams or doubts that you may have, one day you will be a great mom too! I know, because you're already one to me.

Happy Mother's Day!!!
Love, Jess

2005-05-07T14:18:00.000-05:00

What a difference a Keke makes!

2005-05-07T14:14:00.000-05:00

Pre-Keke!

random philosophical moment...

2005-05-05T15:49:00.000-05:00

(this morning, talking about summer jobs)

Me: Well, I'm sure something good will pop up...

Nick: I hope so.

(pause)

Me: Do you think that whatever happens is the right thing?

Nick (matter-of-factly): Oh God no. You just make it right.

Me (thoughtfully): Ok.

(pause)

Me: Well, I'll talk to you later.

Nick: Yes. Have a good day.

Me: Bye!

Nick: Bye.

Thank You!

2005-05-04T17:37:00.000-05:00

I would like to thank all of those involved in my wonderful yesterday:
especially including, in no particular order...

Roy, for my First Hand Grenade! (it doesn't matter that they didn't let you pay...)
Brian, for my FIRST SHOT OF TEQUILA! I like it! (that's scary....)

the musicians who helped to make me cry at 1:30
especially
Sonia, my hot roommate who bought my birthday shirt!
and
Rafael, my loving Papi and chauffeur extraordinaire

Raul, for-- wow, where do I begin? Tu me chineas. You made me cry... You made KEKE cry! I am still overwhelmed by it all.

Keke, you don't have to be rich to be my girl! -- you were there for me the whole time, and you are the best girlfriend I could ever ask for! You made my birthday so awesome.
Nick, you didn't forget! I'm so moved by what a great friend you are. You couldn't be with me physically, but I still feel like you were... I even imagined you sitting in the car while I was drunk last night!

Guys, I am not ME without YOU!

Finally, thank you Paul McCartney & God (I admit, they are not the same being!), for wishing me Happy Birthday at the best possible moment. Last night, at 11:30, we got into the car, turned on the radio, and the Beatles' Happy Birthday Song came on, FIRST THING! HOW COOL IS THAT!

I feel loved, and all grown up(<-yeah, right)!

Only one, and with my all.

2005-04-27T15:20:00.000-05:00

Do you have time for the ramblings of a sleep-deprived thinker? If you continue to read this, you know, you won't be able to use this time to do other things. You have homework, friends you could be talking to, stomach crunches you promised yourself you'd do...

And yet you continue reading, eternally choosing this article over other options which could occupy this present moment. "I guess life's like that," says a friend of mine, in a most Eeyore-esque voice.

And life is like that. In life, there is no way that we can do everything that we want to do. Should you buy new shoes, or save money for that trip you want to take? Should you study all night for that test, or finish early so that you are well-rested for the next day?

We make our decisions, and we can't take them back. What's done is done.

Ever write a really emotional, bomb-shell e-mail to someone, and hovered your mouse pointer over the "send" button for a little while? I used to do this a lot, and think-- well, if I press "send," my life will be changed forever... I would torture myself with my own freedom.

The necessity of decision-making is particularly painful when it comes to people. We must decide who we will love, and how, and when. Sure, you can "love" everyone, in the sense that you wish them well and care for them, but the love I refer to is an action. With only 24 hours in a day, we only have so many minutes, so many seconds, to communicate with and care for others. How do we know who we should spend our moments with? And how should we spend them?

These are tough questions with friends, and even tougher when it comes to romance. There are many people to whom we could and would happily give our time and affection, but our resources are limited. Therefore, we should choose our loved ones carefully, and cherish them. In this light, love is so beautiful! If you love me, you give me care and concern that you could have given to someone else. In economic terms, you are saying that the time you spend with me is worth the "opportunity-cost" of whatever your next choice would be. We often take our friends' care for granted; I think we should try to realize what a privilege it is to have it. Remember that night when I called you up, in tears? You could have gone to the gym, you could have studied for a test, you could have watched the entire 3rd season of Seinfeld. You spent your hours talking with me. I should appreciate that. I will live my life trying to...

We only get to pick one path. In order to say "yes" to the things we care most for, we must say "no" to a plethora of other options... (How can you say that I have a plethora, if you do not know what a plethora is? :) )

I am so sorry that I can not clone myself, and take all the paths that I want to, and be with all the people that I have wanted to. I'm sure you feel the same way-- you too can remember making difficult decisions, where it felt that your heart would explode inside your chest from the weight of your freedom, from the weight of the responsiblity that you bore as you made your choice. Sometimes, we have to say things that we know will hurt others, that we know will make them cry. We have to let go of our old, familiar scenes in order to grow and develop. Sometimes, I think we make honest mistakes. We leave people and things behind that we would have done better to take with us. Instead of living a life of regret, we should take that sadness, that sense of loss, and realize that it is a part of what makes us who we are today. Our present lives, and all of our future successes, are a product of painful decisions.

To all of the worthy people and things that I have said "no" to in the past, I have this to say: Thank you for being a part of who I am. I may not have always made the "right" decisions. Some nights, I will wonder about the "could have beens." I will wonder, because the decision was so hard, because you deserved my time and afffection, because my path seems so unclear. But I can not take back my words, and I can not undo my choices. So I will follow the path that I have chosen, remaining conscious of the others that I did not. And I will appreciate each step as a precious one for which much was sacrificed. And I will not forget what could have been, and I will not forget you. Because I know I have only one life to live, I will put my all into it. I will live it as thoroughly as I can, in your honor.

The Talent Surrounding Me, Part 2

2005-04-26T17:47:00.000-05:00

Raul was in the Costa Rican paper (www.nacion.com/proa "Talento Continuo") Sunday! You don't need to go through all of the trouble of following the link; I've uploaded the picture they took (see below) and will give you the low-down!

So basically, Raul and two other guys, (his friends Jose and Jorge) have been in the Youth Orchestra of the Americas for quite a while. This is a prestigious organization made up of young musicians from North, Central and South America. They've been all over the place at all kinds of cool places, like D.C., Mexico and Argentina. These guys hang out with people like Yo-Yo Ma and Placido Domingo. Oh yeah, and last year, they played at Carnegie Hall. Bet you feel crappy now.

There's a section in the article just for Raul, and I'll attempt to roughly translate some of it now. If I totally miss the meaning of entire phrases and paragraphs, please forgive me.

Raul is talking about how he began playing violin:

"They told me that because I was big I had to start with viola. But, at that time there were no violas available, so they gave me a violin. I was enchanted by it and never gave it up," recalls this 21 year-old young man who has earned many national distinctions and has been part of the leading orchestras of the country. In 1994, he was admitted into the Children's Orchestra, two years later, into the Youth Orchestra, where he was first violin (Concert Master!) up to the beginning of this year, and finally, into the National Symphony Orchestra.

I bet it really hurts you to know that if we were in high school, and we were seniors (and in the same country), Raul would take me to prom, and not you.

You'd be sooo jealous, and would stay at home in your pajamas, eating double fudge ice cream and crying.

(just kidding, you would go to prom too. but not with Raul, so you might as well have stayed home.)

2005-04-26T17:37:00.000-05:00

Nacion Pic#1

The Talent Surrounding Me

2005-04-26T16:37:00.000-05:00

De La Salle High School Academic Games:
Nationals 2005 Results

Individual
Alex A.-- Undefeated, Equations
Matt M.-- 7th overall, Propaganda
Shawn H.-- 2nd overall, Propaganda
Daniel A.-- 11th overall, Sweestakes--- and in reality,
(though not officially) Undefeated in On-Sets, Equations,
and my Most Outstanding-est Senior

Junior Team
3rd in On-Sets
3rd in Propaganda

Senior Team
3rd in Propaganda
3rd in SWEEPSTAKES

Congratulations to the winners, for all that you have accomplished through your hard work! I am so proud to be a part of your legacy.

NATIONALS!!!!

2005-04-22T09:33:00.000-05:00

Going to Nationals to continue the De La Salle Dynasty!
Pray for us, if you do that sort of thing...

I'll get like 4 hours of sleep in the next 4 days--
this is really like a retreat for me, except turbulent and action-packed instead of peaceful.
Nothing exposes true character like a good competition.

Be back Tuesday, and I'll write, I promise!

I'll miss you so much, Nick! What was it, the last 4 Nationals, you were with me?
An era has truly ended--
This one is for you.

Unapologetically all about me.

2005-04-13T11:58:00.000-05:00

(written on Monday)

TEN people I enjoy the company of (in no specific order)
Fredy Omar
Keekster!
Nick, the Italian Stallion
Rafael, who is better than this...
Ronia,
Roy,
Sonia (yes, 3 different identities)
*name of person that I really need to catch up with*
Sean! (great chat today)
Raul

NINE things I'm wearing:
A sexy red v-necked blouse that my grandma bought me (what the hell!)
blue jean skirt.
black scrunchi on my wrist.
gold hoop earrings Grandma bought me from Greece.
My hair down! (can you believe it? thank you hair iron!)
Make Up! (please, don't have a heart attack)
simple white undies.
nice beachie sandalias.
my signature smile

EIGHT things on my mind:
Un Tico
school work
my career
What will I do for the summer?
When will I stop procrastinating?
How do I say that in Spanish?
tutoring in an hour
Academic Games Nationals!!!!

SEVEN items I touch everyday:
the shuffle button on my cd player
the computer
my hair (way too much)
a friend
(not Raul)
a phone
Cocaine (stuffed dog that looks like Conan, I didn't name him)
and Cosito (pink bunny that Rafa gave me for Christmas, I named him--yes, boys can be pink!)

SIX things I do everyday:
plan
write
daydream
think too much about things I can't change
sing alone in my room and my car with the music on way louder than the "safety level"
hug people

FIVE things I want to do before I die:
Visit Europe.
Not care what my parents think about my life.
Have children, cherish them, and raise them to work, play, and love with all their energy.
Find a job that I can really believe in.
Be with the person I'm in love with.

FOUR things I would never do:
Mormonism.
Heroin.
Suicide.
Tell a child that they're going to fail.

THREE things I think when I wake up:
I wish, I wish, I wish! (what?! that's just one?)
Where's my planner?
A new day! Yay!

TWO of my favorite foods:
anything with tomatoes
'' '' chocolate

ONE person I love more than any other:

OK, so it's impossible for me to name one, because the "me" I love so much rests on four pillars.
Two are very caring, accepting, and huggable; they are always there for me, and live within a mile of me. Two are very driven and unbelievably strong, and they encourage me to be my best-- one is far north, the other even farther south. All are artists, and I so love to imagine the paint or charcoal-covered hands, the furrowed brow brooding over dialogue, the passionate dances of the bodies with their bows. And sometimes I feel like one of their works in progress, a part of their growing repetoire.
And I love it.